Sally and I are laughing…………….

We had an earthquake a few days ago.  No one was hurt (or even got wet) but a few bureaucrats are getting heat for not responding fast enough to what amounted to as ‘nothing’.

And the media are all over this……..asking ‘experts’ to weigh in on “What should we do if there is a Tsunami coming?”   The PhD-wielding expert head of Emergency Services says, “Get to higher ground!”

Like, duh!  I wonder if we pay that college genius enough?

But the experts are not done there……..No, they have additional advice: “In the event of a major catastrophe you should have a go-to bag already put together for survival purposes.  It should have water and a flashlight and space blankets and high-energy bars.  The go-to bag should be on wheels so that you can trundle it down to the local community centre where the emergency services will gather.  And a hand-crank radio would be good.”

So, I am wondering…………the catastrophe is so bad that your house is unlivable and your car undriveable and you have a suitcase on wheels with chocolate bars in it heading for the community centre?  Does that make any sense?

“Did the guy recommend packing a .45 with a few extra clips to shoot your way into and then out of the community centre filled with people wanting your chocolate bars and space blankets?”

“No, sweetie.  The catastrophe is not that bad.  It is just one of those ‘inconvenient’ catastrophes.  Like, you know, nothing truly horrendous.  Like, where people all come together for a night and await word from the authorities as to what to do next?”

“Like a hurricane or tornado but not as bad as nuclear war?”

“Yeah.  Like that.  You know……..just bad enough to need those chocolate bars and bottled water, that’s all.  Maybe, like a tsunami?”

“Well, a tsunami may be a factor on the west coast, especially if you live up an inlet.  But Vancouver Island will act as a Tsunami buffer and the only thing that might happen in the Gulf of Georgia is a gradual rise in the sea level.  Worst outcome from a huge offshore tsunami is a ten foot increase in the tide.  Not one of those overwhelming Hollywood waves.  We’re talkin’ high tide’ is all.  ‘Course, watching that with a nice chocolate bar would be better, I guess.”

“Hmmm…….so what kind of disaster are they planning for?”

“Well, frankly…..to me anyway, it is not a disaster if it was planned for now was it?  And the truly devastating disasters are, well, devastating.  You know, like beyond planning for?  And anyway, whatever kind of disaster they are thinking of, I can’t imagine a suitcase full of chocolate bars being your go-to response.  Most people will get in their car and head for the hills.  I guess they can eat chocolate while they wait in the traffic jam…?   But the car radio will work without hand-cranking”. 

“No, sweetie.  The hand-crank radio is for the long term.  You know, when you survive for like, over a year or something?  Like when the space blankets are all in shreds and the chocolate is all gone?”

“So, where is Commander Survival with his PhD at this point?  Have they eaten him or something by then?”

“No.  I am guessing his Emergency preparedness program was for, like the first three days, ya know?  Otherwise eating all that chocolate longer term would cause skin problems.  No, this is a short-term plan.  After that, geez, I dunno.  I guess you hand-crank your radio and listen for further advice.”

We’re laughin’……..Sal has so much chocolate that we can survive just about anything.  Plus we have some real food.  We gotta get some space blankets, of course, but, until then, we’ll just have to make do with the ones we use all the time – the nice warm ones that are soft and comfy.  I guess we’ll have to panic on our own ’cause I am not leaving this entirely self-sufficient house with a years worth of firewood and all my tools to go to the community centre to await word from the authorities who will, in all likelihood, be shot in their car for their chocolate bars by starving disaster victims clad in space blankets.

But I must admit that I am looking forward to hearing the next batch of experts from the Royal Disaster Commission that will be struck to look into the matter when it is all said and done.