Danger lurks everywhere and no less so than the local general store……….
“So, Dave, we sure could use a new voice on the island council. Would you sit?”
“Well, thanks for the invitation but I’d rather suck on nuclear waste.”
“Ha, ha, ha. That’s good. Ha, ha. No, seriously. You are a mediator and we seem to fight all the time and well, we could use a little help.”
“No. You see, being a mediator means being neutral. If I sat on the council then I would be perceived as pro-council by those who hate you. I’d also be perceived as anti-council by those on council whom I would come to hate. And I’d be hated by everyone else. This is not good for a mediator’s career. I am going to remain neutral. Call it disinterest. Call it paranoid. I choose to call it professional neutrality.”
“Well, geez, Dave, I should warn you, then…….”
“Of what?”
“We don’t accept neutrality up here. Hereabouts you have to stand for something. Doesn’t matter what it is really, you just have to have an opinion on stuff. If you don’t have an opinion on things, no one will trust you.”
“But I just got here! I don’t know enough to have an opinion on things! What kind of things we talkin’, anyway?”
“Well, there’s the big one that just passed over a while back but there are lot of hard feelings still. Community pretty divided over that one. Got ugly, real ugly. Seen things you never expected to see – things you never want to see again.”
“Wow. Pretty touchy, eh? But it’s over?”
“Well, the cow died so the question is moo.”
“Moot, Jim. M-O-O-T. “
“Yeah, I know that. But we all like to say ‘moo’, anyway. You know.”
“Yes, I do know. You guys are a riot. Now I know that I am going to regret this but what was the big issue?”
“Well, are you for free range or agin’ it?”
“Free range? You mean like in chickens?”
“No, Dave, keep up with me here! Cattle. Cows and horses. Are you in favour of free ranging cows and horses or are you against it.”
“Oh, man, I don’t care. Really. On that topic, I truly am neutral.”
Well, Jim’s eyes narrowed as if he was seeing me clearly for the first time. He dropped his voice an octave and, showing barely repressed passion over the topic, he asked me one more time, “Dave, I told you. Not having an opinion is NOT an option. Now I like you fine so far and all, but you are calling me out now. I have no choice. I need to know. ARE YOU FOR OR AGAINST FREE RANGING CATTLE?”
I was trapped. No way out. I had to answer but, like most traps, the answer was not going to spring me from some part of the dilemma. So I stalled, “Yeah, well, of course I have an opinion on that. Big issues involved there. And I can see that it is an opinion that counts. In this day and age, most personal opinions don’t count much anymore and I applaud you and council for taking our points of view so seriously……………I’ll be thinking this one over real hard. When can I get back to you?”
“Nice try, Dave. No stalling. What’s it gonna be, free or not-so-free?”
“Sheesh. Well, now……………..I need to know a bit more before I come down hard on one side of the fence…………….like………uh……how big is this island again?”
“Almost 100 square miles.”
“How many people live here?”
“50.”
“How many cattle?”
“Well, before the cow died, there were two. One cow and one horse.”
“I see……………….,” taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly so as to convey considerable thought, “well, in that case, given the existence of only the single unit of cattle, I will cast my vote on humanitarian grounds for the remaining and likely grieving lonely old horse to roam freely. In the interim………”
I knew Jim didn’t know what ‘in the interim’ meant but I said it to give myself an out, a life preserver, as it were.
But I was pleasantly surprised. “Good on ya, Dave. Good on ya.”
Another bullet in the rural jihad dodged.
Our Off the Grid Home 
Oh gawd… it sounds like you had greater freedom in Tsawwassen! 😉
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