…….I’m changing. I’m different now. I had no idea that I’d change a lot merely by living where and how I do but, of course, venue counts. So does experience. So does choice. It adds up. We are adaptable and adapting even when we don’t see it. We are changing.

Most of the change is good. Way less stress. Virtually no sense of schedule, timetable or even time most of the well, time. I am not alone in this. I said to Sal, yesterday, “It is Saturday, right?” I was pretty sure it was but I don’t always keep track. “No, silly,” she said. It is Friday. All day. Honestly!”

“OK. Thanks!” I said and put it out of my mind. (I argue with Sal now and again but it is a losing proposition. Even when I am right, I am wrong to have argued. Took me years to learn that lesson. And so it was regarding yesterday. I accepted that it was Friday.)

Today a neighbour told us it was Sunday.

If you think I said, “I told you so.”, you’d be wrong. I know when to let something go.

But the point of that little vignette is that neither of us knew the day. Hell, we sometimes ask each other what month it is (well, I do, anyway). We are simply out of the ‘stream’ of things to the extent that we don’t even notice the stream exists. That change of pace was remarkably easy to get used to. I never achieved it while on vacation in my past life but I have sunk into it like a soft sofa while living here.

I am also more relaxed. And not. I exist at a more relaxed state 95% of the time and that is quite strange for me. Good. But very different. No anxiety. No worry. No pressure. It is good, really good. But when it happens that something is stressful, both Sally and I react so much more sensitively than ever before that we feel like dorks.

We have changed. We have been re-sensitized to the continuous assault on our senses that is modern urban life. And I don’t think we can get back the sensory armor that one needs to successfully get through a modern urban day. I think we have changed too much to get that back even if we wanted to.

We don’t.

I used to drive through the city eating a glop-burger while taking notes in my day-timer from the person on my cell phone and listening to the radio at the same time. I can steer with either knee almost well enough to make a right hand turn. I could do all that without a napkin and come out of it clean. It was, in retrospect, an amazing ability to multi-task.

Can’t do it anymore.

I think I am afraid to try.

Today, I get tense waiting for the ferry to unload (should I start my engine now?!). And I am talking about the Quadra ferry! I feel my stress levels increasing as I approach Nanaimo!

Think about that….merging into traffic on the Lions Gate bridge in the rain, at night, talking to Sally on the cell was done with aplomb. Almost unconsciously. A piece of cake. Now, nearing Nanaimo takes all my focus!

I am definitely changing.

I care even less about appearances than I ever did and I was not known for my high standards even when in my 3-piece suit, work-at-the-bank days.

There are plenty of other changes that have come about because of living remote but, far and away, the most significant is non-materialism.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not anti-materialistic. I still want stuff. Need stuff in some cases. But materialism is also a state of mind and a set of circumstances. If you live amongst consumers, you consume. If you don’t, you don’t. It is really that simple. Need, it seems is secondary to exposure.

Everyone out here wants and needs stuff and, ironically, we often talk about the stuff we need. But like alcoholics who still talk about booze even tho they don’t partake anymore, we talk about purchases but rarely make any.

Let me put this another way………..when Sally and I went shopping the other day, we had a list and walked the aisles. We got what we wanted and, if something caught our eye, we impulsively added it to our purchases. I bought a new saw blade when walking to the checkout at Home Depot. The price was good and I could always use a sharp blade. No need, really. Just impulse. Habit and opportunity. Mind set and circumstance. Pure consumerism.

But we are only exposed to that now for three hours or so every two weeks. Temptations are rare occurrences. That means fewer magazines, fewer ‘treats’, fewer everything actually. Fewer impulses = less consumerism. Less consumerism = different behaviours. We change.

This change was not from learning or experience, nor was it an act of will; it is the result of circumstance.

And, in just that small, almost undetectable way, we have been changed yet again merely by living here.