If you sit around on your butt all day, not much good comes of it. Trust me, I know. I have definitely given sloth a chance. I have tested it frequently and the results cannot be denied – being sedentary sucks.

I have been especially reminded of that these past few days as my convalescence progressed and my butt became even less attractive (imagine that?!). The only good thing about it is that I am now virtually better and I have to declare that it is also true: healing is a wonder and a joy to behold. I would literally go to bed with twenty or so square inches of burned skin and I would wake up in the morning with only 16. It was almost that rapid. As of this writing, I am almost perfect in a Dave kinda way. (Translation: flawed as hell.)

I don’t want this to suggest that the injuries recently suffered were anything special to blog about except for the fact that blogging was about the only thing I could effectively do (and the jury is still out on that one, eh?). So, I shared the suffering by whining and complaining a bit. So, sue me. I considered it therapy.

But I think it is now over. I am not yet 100% whole again but anyone seeing me now looks at me with the expression on their face of – “what’s all the fuss about?” The answer: Nada. ‘Nothing here of any interest folks, let’s just move along, now.’

But in relation to being off-the-grid, there is something to be observed and learned from this minor incident. And, believe me, I have had some practice at gaining this point of view from numerous and previous incidents as well. This ain’t theory without experience talkin’- this is, instead, experience forming the theory.

First off (not counting the asinine nature of the accident itself) – have a bunch of medical supplies on hand. I am talking a small suitcase worth. Get a significant kit put together right up to and including sutures and ‘strong’ pain killers. Emphasize the burn treatments. Consider T3 as the lightest of the strong pain killers. Bufferin and such are basically ‘candies’ and just too light for the real heavy work that may have to be dealt with.

Don’t go to the doctor for every little thing. Cut your finger badly? Stay home, keep the wound clean. Learn to love the scar. And, as most of my neighbours would add, ‘and shut the hell up about it’! Cut the finger clean off but you have it on ice and it is intact? OK, maybe then go to the hospital but not before phoning ahead to ensure the finger tailor is in that day. Over 60 and lost the little finger? Think twice before deciding to go. It may not be worth the trouble or the ferry fare.

You see, it’s a waste of time when you know what to do yourself and it is really depressing waiting in the patient lounge sucking up other people’s diseases. Hospitals and clinics now are cesspools of germs, some of which are considered ‘super’ bad. Some of them will even eat your leg while you sit there! Try to spend as little time in such buildings as possible. None is about right. Frankly, I think going to a medical service for something that you can do at home is much, much riskier now than ever before.

Something to consider: practice doing appendectomies at home on feral cats. They don’t need their appendix and you could do with the practice.

Just sayin’………….

‘Course, you can always try the other pussy route: don’t ever do anything and, if you do venture out, wear safety crap. You know my take on safety equipment, right? The only thing safe about it is that you don’t use it and nothing happens to the safety equipment because it is sitting on a shelf somewhere when the accident happens. And, if you do load yourself up on such gear, you are bound (100%) to need it because now you can barely move out of harms way when danger looms. All in all, I think safety equipment is an invitation to Fate to ‘give it your best shot!’

The best way to work? In the nude! Maybe a small cup. Reason? You are quicker, nimbler and unencumbered. Plus, nobody will work with you so you don’t have the danger of other amateurs like yourself to worry about. If you get hurt, there is no dirty clothing to infect the wound. By being nude, the attendant can get at the wounds easier and, if you are not wounded and the attendant is cute, you will be otherwise safely engaged in better, more healthy non-lethal activities.

OK, I admit it, the message above is not endorsed by any government institution or professional health association. But I like it.