I am slightly embarrassed.  Seems I am a blog whore.  No shame, either.  And, it seems, I have no boundaries.  Nude pics of me would be posted if I didn’t know in advance that such sights would drive readers away.  I want readers.

At first, I swore that I was just writing for myself, ya know?  ‘Jus’ keeping a journal’.  Jus’ an exercise in trying to write better “Good practice.” I would say.

I was kidding myself.  I have needs.  And this is one of them!

It was an easy lie to perpetrate for awhile.  I only had 28 readers (they registered on my old blog – so I knew who they were).  But when I actually bumped into any of them, they would avert my look and, when questioned would say, “Oh!  Right!  Well, damn it.  I’ve just been so busy lately.  Kinda missed a few.  But I love it, dad, honest.  I’ll go home and read it right away.  I promise.”

“What was the name of it again?  Off-your-nut or something?”

It was easier to pretend that the number of readers, per se, was not as important as, um, well…….getting words down…….sorta………..or honing one’s craft…….kinda………well, never mind, I can do what I want in my spare time! But I can no longer deny it.  Numbers count!

So to speak.

I changed to WordPress as the blog-host and WordPress provides statistics.  Seems I was getting more readers than I thought.  29.  30.  Gusting to forty.  And it was gooooood!   Oooohhhhhh……………what a rush!

But that is when it started to get out of control.  I began to check the numbers every day.  If the numbers went up, I was perplexed.  “Damn, where did they come from?”  If the numbers went down, I was depressed.  “What did I say?  What put them off?  Where did they go?  Oh Gawd!”

It was an emotional yo yo.

Still is.  Blogging is hell.

Can’t stop, though.  Gotta blog.  I don’t have a blog.  It has me!   Aaaaaarggh.

By the way the numbers really do fluctuate.  Weirdly.  Doesn’t seem to matter what the content is, the numbers go up and down.  Hit 1200 one day.  34 the next.  The only reliable subject matter is dogs and ravens.

 

 

 

 

 

Book Club is a steady number pumper, too.  But politics is fickle.  Rant one day and have a dozen comments and good stats.  Rant in a similar vein on another day and stand alone like the cheese.  I don’t get it.

One commentator asked ‘Who are you and why are you doing this?’ I didn’t answer.  I am not really sure about either answer, really.  I kinda thought the ‘urban guy gone feral’ bio at the top of the blog would suffice but then WordPress provided a follow-up space that needed filling so I went with the ‘…brutish and short….’ thing to help flesh it out.  Plus you get all the diarrhea and wound and laceration updates.  What more could anyone want?

As for why…………..?  Well, like I said, “I thought it was just good practice for writing a book or something………” But now I am not so sure.  I am reassessing.  I want more.

Yeah, the fame, the followers, the hordes of readers……(averaging 200+ lately)……..yeah, that has some appeal.  No question.  Although, as it turns out I seem to appeal to an unusually large contingent of older antique collectors so the chance of wild parties and indulging groupies seems pretty remote.

I guess the main reason is still to try to convey what it is like living off the grid.  People who do that don’t just chop wood, feed ravens and watch the whales. We are involved in some of the on-the-grid issues indirectly if not, sometimes, more directly.  Planet/climate/environmental and political stuff affects us more ‘in-the-face’, viscerally.  We are more engaged with the natural world than most urban people.  We care about salmon.  Hell, we even care more about herring and marmots and the whole enchilada.  I think.

And, it has hit me hard, – we truly are all in this thing together.

I guess I am just more of a penguin than a leviathan (title of book by Yochai Benkler) that describes those that belong and cooperate versus those that take and dominate.  Or maybe I am just a big fat penguin forcing my blog-will whenever I can and looking for small, weak leviathans on which to practice.

Either way, the blog is part me and Sal, mostly off-the-grid lifestyle, some eco-stuff with the attendant dollop of politics.  It has weather, alternative energy, aging and a sprinkling of international visitors to spice things up.

I might even get personal now and then.  Hard to say.

“No, it isn’t!” said Sal.  “This is just self indulgent pap, you old fool!”