“The only constant is change”. (Heraclitus)
Change: Unstable, erratic capricious……..(Wikipedia)
Judging from the above quotes, it might seem as if I am heavily invested in spare and loose change. And I am. I like change but I like good change more than bad. But change that is ‘meh’ is not really change. Or is it? And it is about that oxymoron that I am writing. The change that has been coming along so far is NOT good, not bad, mostly ‘meh’ but it is still coming.
Where are we headed?
Societal and global change is clearly still afoot these days and yet it seems like nothing is really moving in any predictable direction – neither good nor bad….but, to be honest, clearly more bad than good lately…. The metaphorical mental image: flooded farmlands, floating debris, bloated cows, muddy waters.
Covid did that. The world was (as usual) evolving higgledy-piggledy and then went into Covid induced shock. Now we are all in half-quarantine waiting on late arrival vaccinations while making no plans whatsoever. Stultifying, coma-inducing, quiet frustration, what-the-hell are words that come to mind.
And that is all being reported somewhat in the news but it is that which is unreported that makes it so confusing. We have the usual upheaval and chaos from the over-sensational media-news, of course, and yet, that all seems even more repetitious, typical, boring and somehow normal all at the same time. But I think there is more. What are they NOT saying?
In other words; my feelings are that we are seeing all there is to see and yet I feel there is more that is ‘in the dark’. That hunch seems kinda contradictory – for me, anyway.
Maybe…could just be…… that our relied-on (hoary, old) institutions are simply under assault and/or are constantly dropping the ball (ergo, we lose faith in the system), the economy is even more mysterious than usual (so our fear levels increase), and then there is the rapidly altering climate and the eroded natural environment which also affects my behavior, feelings, moods and character (an impending sense of doom). Maybe the change I am feeling is more like rust-on-steel….gradual erosion….a slow downhill? I don’t know.
OR, it could JUST be the rather pronounced, personal and noticeable effects of the aging process that is sorta omnipresent to me now. Those personal things ARE changing, too, and yet those things have been slowly happening for some time (the very definition of aging). So, it kinda remains the same.
Put another way: I am currently in a state of flux but without any real major, mile-marker changes happening in my life to warrant that feeling.
I am also saying that I am more-than-used to (and need) a certain amount of real change in my life (it has been a constant roller coaster ride after all) and I know that the world changes even more than I do….but, but, but….there have been no really GOOD big changes for me lately – which is also somewhat good, I guess. It means my status quo is safe. But there have been none that feel rewarding or educational or even intriguing to me, either. No good news makes Dave a dull boy (mangled metaphor courtesy of Sally).
Well, the slow, drip-drip-drip of aging is probably the most obvious and yet the most common and predictable form of change in my life right now. And aging is intriguing…I have to admit that! Fun? Not so much.
And we are obviously having fewer adventures because of the Covid-quo-ness, too. I think that is a large part of it. No adventure. No new encounters. No travel. All that leaves a big hole…..
Sal and I have been the very epitome of living some kind of regular status quo this past year due to Covid and the aforementioned aging process (and my increasing loathing of air travel). For us, that is odd, to say the least. Being normal just isn’t normal for us. We just do not get out very much anymore. We stay at home now. And, in the winter when it is cold and wet outside, we even stay in Canada and more and more inside the house on computers or quilting or maybe making dinner together. It’s nice, it’s normal but, well…….ya know? It ain’t exciting.
It turns out that my biggest challenge in whatever kind of change era we are all currently in is learning how to relax and stay put! That is not easy for me. I have grown this singular dorky character into one that needs the irregular, the odd surprise, the lack of routine and the ‘new adventure’. Mental image: driving Sal around Thailand on a scooter. WooHooo!!!
Getting old means I need radical change less and less but I still need some real surprises, small adventures, doable challenges. I am still restless by nature but without the youthful energy that used to cause it. This is a new kind of flux state I am in these days…..sorta like the sentiment of being all dressed up with but nowhere to go….. I am getting all stressed up but with no energy or focus on what to do about it. What is causing that? Is it just Covid? Is it just aging? I do not know……..
I still have, of course, the necessary chores to keep me from the silent madness of real bushed-out, cabin-fever-style boredom (I hope) but well, it’s pretty cold outside right now…..not conducive to getting anything significant done……and I will avoid making a winter martyr of myself just for the sake of warding off the cobwebs and lethargy of indolence. Hibernating may seem kinda silly but it is better than catching pneumonia or breaking into a sweat during a snow storm while bleeding from an errant chainsaw, ya know? Aging gently and boringly seems kinda good compared to that!
Moderation in all things? But moderation SHOULD include a few surprises, too, right?
Truth? I think I am mostly in need of sunny days, blooming gardens, more wildlife and a great, wonderful Springtime. I think maybe we are all a bit overdue.