………..and Sal won’t let me live without ém!

Still, all in all, our dogs aren’t all bad.  I like to say, “they are best of a bad bunch!”  This does not garner me many bonus points but a man’s gotta do…..ya know?  Anyway, the dogs don’t know what I am sayin’…………..right?

Still, this post is about dogs.  Our dogs.  Our goofy, weird, whacky duo of canine nonsense, Megan and Fiddich.  I need a scotch just thinking about them.

The point of all this?  Well, I actually do like some parts of their existence.  Not many!  But a few.  Fid is a real man’s man of a dog.  Tough, resilient, up-for-anything, leaps before he looks and thinks he is superdog.  Giant ginger ego on four feet.  I kinda like that. No idea why…………

One time he was running very fast downhill in deep brush and all you could see were the leaves moving and the tip of his tail wagging when he slammed full-speed and head first into a fallen tree.  The ‘bonk’ reverberated in the forest.  A nanoseond later he was over the tree and still charging.  A water buffalo would have been stunned.  Not Fid.

But it is Megan I am writing about now.  She is pretty funny.  She loves to play fetch even tho her back legs are kinda wobbly and it is not like our property is a gentle flat meadow.  This place is steep and anything thrown basically goes down hill.  And she goes after it with gusto.  So far, pretty normal. For a dog.

But if she wants to play fetch and we don’t, she plays fetch by herself!  Bear in mind that we live on a really steep slope.  Our deck is 18 feet off the sloping rock below and it dives more steeply after that.  Anything thrown (or dropped) from the deck will travel pretty far.  And she knows this.  So Meg will, now and then, get her ‘toy’ and push it over the edge of the deck herself.  She’ll watch it fall and roll down the hill and then she’ll run off, tail-a-wagging, and go get it.  If we say, “Meg, you do it!  You do it!” she’ll repeat the process until she is played out.

A Long Way Down

We can play fetch with her without getting out of the chair, without letting go of our wine glass or even having to touch the slimy damn ‘toy’.  That’s not all bad.

And, it gets better………

As she ages, she is getting tired more quickly.  Now she plays fetch for awhile with herself and then, after the panting gets heavy, she just sends Fid to go get it!  That’s right…………..she drops the toy over the edge of the deck and then we all look at each other for a second as if no one knows what to do?…and that is Fid’s cue to run to the rescue.  He retrieves the toy!

Behind every good stud there's a............

Repeat routine until satisfied.

Now if I could just talk them into moving out into their own place…………..

Looking back on it……..

I didn’t do a lot right when building the house.  Couldn’t.  Didn’t know what was right or how to do it.  We did as we learned.  We were just too amateurish to be good or fast or pretty (in the final iteration).  So we settled for being structurally right-and-then-some, following the books as best as we could and having everything we needed.  Of those three things, having everything needed on site before it was needed was, far and away, the best way to be efficient.

Think of it this way: Jack, the expert carpenter who can build anything fast, strong and ‘lookin’ good shows up at the site and there is no wood.  Jack can’t work and you just paid for wasted time.  On the other hand, take Dave (please!).  He is a goofball.  But he not only has all the tools, all the books, all the hardware and all the wood, he has three times the stuff that is needed.  (Plus he has Sal-the-Amazon).  So Dave can get to work.  Even if he is slower, stupider and uses more materials than he should (by doing things twice or doubling up when in doubt), Dave will eventually get the job done.

This may seem apparent.  But it is not.  I have seen a lot of good, skilled workers (out here) who simply say, “Well, we gotta stop.  The windows aren’t here.  The lumber isn’t here.  And we can’t do anything on the roof until all that stuff comes and you find a long ladder.  See ya in a week.  Our suggestion?  Get that stuff in before you call us!”   And they walk off the job.

Once a worker walks off the job, getting them back is like resisting gravity.  They get other commitments, other jobs……..get frustrated with the owner/contractor……whatever.

“Geez, I had no idea I was the one who was supposed to get all the materials.  I thought the contractor did that”. 

Yeah.  That often happens but I wouldn’t put that responsibility in the hands of the contractor myself.  Especially on a remote site.  Usually they have more than one job going and robbing Peter to finish Paul is ‘part of being’ a contractor so long as they get the stuff back to Peter in time.  I’d rather not chance it.

Plus, when the contractor does it, he/she doesn’t do it to excess, doesn’t do it until the contract is signed, doesn’t ‘shop around’ and, basically, expects to use the hardware store as their inventory.  They expect to make runs for materials.

And that is hugely expensive when building remote.  And it doesn’t have to be that way.

The best way to build remote is to collect stuff years in advance.  But not everyone will do that.  Not every garage is big enough.  So, the second best way is to build the workshop/boathouse/guest cabin/storage shed on the property first.  Then start to ‘fill it’ it with tools and supplies.  Everything from several hammers to several types of glues.  From eight different nail sizes to a dozen  different screw sizes.  And buy in bulk.  Order windows and doors months in advance.  Save the lumber purchase till it is closer to the time of building the house.

Contractors don’t do that kind of thing as a rule.  They tend to supply in ‘present time’.  And, anyway, you will not likely have a contractor.  You’ll be lucky if you can find subcontractors out in the ‘sticks’.  And, even if they bring everything they need to do their job (rare), all the tasks are interrelated to some extent and the electrician may say, “Hey, I can’t wire that room because it is not framed in yet.  Where’s the framer?”

And your electrician walks off the job leaving a small-and-almost-not-worth-it-job to come back to.  You just fell off his/her priority list.

If there is one tip that is most important, it is ‘build all your infrastructure first’.  From paths to sheds, from docks to stairs, from energy sources to water supply.  All that has to get done eventually and doing it first makes the house building go faster and easier.  But tip #2 is ‘have everything on site’ before the workers (in our case the workers were usually just us) get there.

“Geez, Dave, you sound like an expert.  I am impressed!”

Don’t be.  Those are the basic lessons learned from doing it the first time.  If I ever did it again (and I won’t), I’d make new mistakes and learn different tips.  That is what experience is all about.  I doubt that I would be an expert after twenty houses.  But, if you are going to do this thing yourself, those are a couple of my ‘rookie’ tips.

I’m a nice guy.  Polite (usually).  Considerate (mostly) and I think I am appreciative of any good will that comes my way and, in turn, extend it when needed by others.  You know……….the Golden Rule kinda thing?  Nice guy?

Well, I have learned over the last few years that I was not, in fact, doing it right.  Not as nice guy as I should be, ya know?  Thought I was.  But I wasn’t.

In a way, it is kinda like knife and fork etiquette.  I had no idea I was supposed to put my knife and fork in a parallel position off to the side of the plate a bit to indicate to the host or waiter that I was finished.  Until my early sixties, I figured that the utensils being NOT in my hands (higgledy-piggledy nearby, as it were) and there being NO food left on my plate to eat was enough of an indicator for all and sundry who had any vested interest in my current state of food consumption.  Turns out I was wrong.

Sal straightened me out one day, “I can’t believe that you got this far in life without knowing about the proper position of your knife and fork when you were done!  You are a Neanderthal, ya know that?”

And so it is that the label fits when it comes to reciprocity as well.  I’ve been delinquent in my evolution.  Seems most people – out here anyway –  expect tit for tat in reciprocity situations.  Except for obvious and immediate situations I’ve never thought that way, myself.  I am naturally more of the ‘what-goes-around-comes-around-school’, myself.  ‘It will all work out in the end’.  Or, rather, I was.  I am changing.

Now I am going for and giving up the tits and the tats in a timely manner.

You see, I grew up without a lot of culture.  Went to thirteen different schools before I graduated.  Lived in over thirty different houses, apartments mansions and boats. Neighbourhoods and cities and even countries were mostly always different, new, changing.  I just didn’t ‘get’ a lot of ‘community habits’ from others.  Just the way it was for me.

Don’t get me wrong – I got manners.  By God, I got manners.  Well, by MOM, really.  My mother and my father were always BIG on manners.  I got manners.

But reciprocity is different from just plain good manners.  It was to me, anyway.  In the city, you don’t really have to reciprocate much.  Typically, it is a paid-for stranger doing something for you (barista at Starbucks, waitress at a sushi restaurant, gas jockey, ticket agent……..you know) and the way to ‘pay back’ is to pay the money.

Even when they are extra good, you give extra money (a tip).  In the city, civil reciprocity is usually done with an exchange of money at the very least, verbal gratitude and repeat business sometimes and, perhaps hospitality, token gift giving (flowers, a free coffee) or even friendship at the extreme end.

People still give, of course, to each other.  It is not that I am saying urban people have lost their humanity.  I would often give to strangers or acquaintances in the city.  Still do.  And I never expected anything in return.  It was just the way it was.  Or, rather, just the way it had to be.  I’d give to Jack.  I’d help Bill.  I’d provide pro bono services to Jill and, so what?  Janice would buy my lunch some day, Terry would help me when I needed it and Brian would become friends.  It was sort of a universal ‘what-goes-around-comes-around’ system that didn’t require payment on the spot. I kept accounts by the feel-good system.

And I felt good.

Looking back on that , I think it is a view held more by urbanites and, perhaps a bit more by people like me – the ones who moved around.  We simply can’t take all the petty debts that accrue with us all the time.  Nor do we expect them to be paid when owed to others.  Same reasons – distance, time, frequency of encounters, community involvement and logistics.  Too fluid.  Too many people.  I think that is why – to an extent – the begging/spare change syndrome happens in the city and not-so-much in the village.

Anyway, out here it is definitely different.  People have a way of ‘settling up’ out here.  I did a guy a favour and forgot about it.  Next thing you know, there is a salmon left for me.  No note.  Just a thank-you salmon.  And I know who left it.  You just do.  Maybe a few weeks later you see the guy.  It is up to me to say, “Hey, thanks for the salmon, eh?”  And the circle was squared.

I remember the first time it happened (and it was in the city, surprisingly).  I had some tires for sale and some wheels.  But the tires were on different wheels and I wanted those ones back.  A native guy came to see ’em, wanted them and was happy to do the swap-over.  So, I gave him the whole lot, shook his hand and said, “Do it at your convenience.  If I am not here, just let yourself in the side door and leave the ‘settling up’ on the counter.”   He agreed.

The next day I went out to the ‘side door’ counter and there was a package.  In that package was a set of carved moose antlers.  I was quite surprised.  I did not expect the exchange to have been consummated so soon and I had no need for carved moose antlers.  I was a bit confused but I just carried on and he eventually came back a week later with my wheels and the money.  And I was there.  I gave him the moose antlers back.  “How come you left me moose antlers, Jack?”

“Collateral.  To show you that I would honour my word and bring back the wheels.”

“Oh.  Thanks.  But I didn’t need that.  I trusted you.”

“Not the way I do things.  Nice doing business with you.  Good bye.”

It was illustrative of a system I was just not aware of.  This guy was one-on-one personal.  And honest.  And ‘in-the-time-frame’.  No group ‘what-goes-around’ crap for him.  For him, it was him and me.  Manno y manno. Like, right now!

And so it is out here.  You do something for a person, they make sure they do something nice for you.  It is never money.  In fact, it is usually something very personal.  Sometimes it is something they made or grew or caught.  Sometimes it is something they know you like (one great neighbour knits people hats!  And they are great!).  And it doesn’t have to be overly timely.  One fellow I assisted ‘gave back’ a year later.

I guess what I am saying is that I not only learned the ‘goes-around method’, I have also now learned the tit-for-tat method and, out here, we tend to the latter.  This is important to know if you are living rural.  It is the norm.  Our new rural world is not really big enough for the ‘goes-around’ method and so, when a favour is done, I have to flick into tit-for-tat thinking or else I may drop the ball.

I still screw up on the knife and fork thing now and then.  But Sally helps me by signalling me with an arched eyebrow, a stern look and a gesture whereby she lifts her own utensils to model the proper behaviour.  I am trying to be more tittish and tattish on the favour-exchange etiquette but it is still a bit foreign to me.

But I am learning.  Weird lessons in life, eh?

One of the most interesting (and, I admit, frustrating) things about building your own house and creating your own infrastructure/environment is that just about everything you do, you are doing it for the first and likely the last time.  Hopefully the last time! 

Well, in my case, I probably built the equivalent of two and half houses since I had to do it the ‘first time’ several times before being able to continue.  And that is the way it is…………let me explain….

Sal and were intending on putting up the siding.  We weren’t sure how to go about it but we started anyway.  After a few hours H dropped by to say hello and stare long and hard at our efforts.

“Siding, eh?  Ever done that before?”

“No.  Never.  Why?  We doin’ it wrong?”

“Well, ’round here, most folks leave a larger space between each board and then cover that space up with a thinner piece they refer to as a batten.  You don’t have a big enough space.  No place for expansion.  Your siding might get tight and pinch.  Maybe break.  Want me to show you what I mean?”

And so after that little lesson, we spent the next hour removing what we had first done and fixing it.  Then – doing it for the second time – we did it ‘right’ for the first time.  And – as we got better at it – we proceeded to work our way around the house improving as we went so that the last wall was much better looking and went up faster than the first one.  If only it was always that easy.  Usually there are several ‘false starts’.

Another friend was helping me one day with a motor problem.  He’s a whiz at motor problems.  We tried several things with no luck.  “The trouble with doin’ stuff out here is that it always seems like it is the first time.  There’s a reason for that – it usually is.  Damn!”

“But you’ve been here for years.  You can seemingly do anything.  I just assumed that this would be stroll down memory lane for you.  No?”

“Well, it is.  Like I told you.  I been in this place a lot of times.  I am very familiar with doin’ it for the first time.  Still, it is the first time almost every time!  Like the opposite of déja vu, ya know?”

So, therein lies the lesson.  There are way too many things that need to be done to ever get competent at any one of them.  It’s as simple as that.  The only chance you have is to get comfortable tackling things ‘the first time’.  There will plenty of ‘first times’.  Get used to it.

Be comfortable, butterfly, with being uncomfortable…….

There is a guy up here.  Been here for a long time.  Lives on another island.  He’s a hero.

Seems G noticed that the salmon in his area were suffering and he decided to do something about it.  So, he cobbled up a hatchery and increased the spawning rate up in his neck o’ the woods.  That was some decades ago.  Did it all on his own till he got a bit older and then volunteers stepped up to assist and he made the program even bigger and more successful.

He paid for everything from his earnings as a fishing guide.

As the years went by, some rich guys on a nearby island decided to help him out.  They built a better hatchery, provided a small operating budget and created a board of advisors.  They even went so far as to pay the guy a few bucks so that he could concentrate on his hatchery.  The local salmon thrived.

It also seems some of the other coastal fisheries are doing OK.  Turns out they are being managed by the fishermen.  Fishermen who care.  Commonly held belief: whatever DFO manages, dies.  So the people involved in the fishing industry just quietly went about managing it themselves.  Reports indicate that they are doing a good job.

Gives me hope, it does.

Just a short addendum:

Paying off debt doesn’t seem to make sense when the interest rate is practically zero.  I know that.  Especially if you have cashflow.  And minimizing your credit exposure is contrary to what this country needs.  It wants us to spend.  So, if I was being a ‘booster’,  I would say, borrow big, buy big and hold till inflation catches up.  Cash in then and roll in dough.  The old recipe.

But I can’t.  There are too many other ‘soft’ factors at play here as well.  First off, those who read this are close to my age.  I’d guess the average reader (not counting my kids) is 50+.  Waddya gonna do with more stuff, more worries and more debt load to service?  I mean, really?  Even Gretzky got out of the game.  We should, too.  And many are.  Face it, folks!  We are getting out one way or the other (pushed, shoved, retiring, dying, losing our energy and health, diminishing desires for stuff)…………we are getting out.

Also…..there are a few wild cards at play here.  Our Western economy/society is on a gradual but steady downslope.  We just don’t have the young consumer in any great numbers.  Not in Canada, anyway.  And the ones we have are poor.  They are either immigrants or the Masters degree-holders-driving-cab generation.  Undergraduate degree-holders who plant trees in the summer and go to Costa Rica for the winter.  We are not nation-building much these days.

And our government is abysmal.  But you know that.

The point: I am not trying to solve the problem.  I am trying to survive the problem.  We have a long ways to go down yet.  And that is what I am talking about.  Dismal Economics.  Not growth.  Not solutions.  Not winning strategies.  I am talking basic survival in an increasingly Orwellian world.

No, we will not likely see gangs-in-the-street anymore than we already see gangs-in-the-street.  And cars will run, phones will work, schools will open.  But unemployment will increase, prices will rise, assets will remain flat, cash will get tight and we will, as a nation go through continual episodic belt-tightening (higher taxes).  We will be priced out of a lot of commodities (oil and gas) and government services won’t cope (hospital waiting lists will grow longer and use ever-increasingly depreciated resources). And unemployment will rise.  Canada is NOT dynamic.  It may be corrupt.  It is definitely incompetent and we are run by Fascists but whatever the reason, we are not on the ascendancy as a nation.

I just think it will get worse before it gets better and it behooves you to know in advance.

But that is enough on politics for awhile.  I do try to limit it.

I am going to write about something else…………….but I’ll ‘switch’ posts so as not to taint one with the other.

Disclaimer: the author knows nothing, has no insider knowledge and has done no research to speak of.  The opinion is shallow, ignorant and likely very very wrong.  Following the advice contained herein is insane.  Even reading this long ramble is pretty silly.  I just had to do it………….sorry…….ravens tomorrow.

Been reading about Complexity theory.  Offspring of Diminishing Returns Principles.  Kind of a cousin to Chaos Theory.  Basically it states that things get more and more complex and at the same time become less and less effective and more and more inefficient. Duh!  Did you not read about my Honda’s electronics?

All these recent authors, however, are basically talkin’ politics or politics-related topics.  Not Honda motors.  But, to me, the principles still apply.  When the governing gets complex, the results eventually get disappointing.  In the latest iteration of this concept, James Rickards is talking about the complexity of currencies (Currency Wars).  My last blog was about Honda electronics.  Same thing.

Just to disclose: J. Richards is a gold freak.  He believes in gold, sells and trades in gold and basically shares a Henny-Penny view of the world with gold as the answer.

But let’s focus on the bigger picture for a bit:  When money was simply nickels and dimes used to make exchanges between neighbours, the money system worked well.  And people cooperated with it.  The system seemed to treat everyone fairly if not necessarily equally.  But as money became more complex (Federal Reserve, Bretton Woods, on-and-off the gold standard, the advent of financial instruments of mass destruction, M1, M2, and M3, Sovereign Wealth Funds and Special Drawing Rights (SWFs and SDRs) well, things got complicated and, consequently, more prone to abuse and, perhaps, collapse.

Worst of all, people didn’t feel the system treated them fairly anymore.  I.e.: disparity in incomes, unemployment and underemployment, having to bailout Goldman Sachs!?

Except, perhaps, in a bad way.  The additional trend towards globalization meant that any one structural (national) collapse would likely be shared amongst a number of others.  When Japan suffered a Tsunami, their currency was affected and their economy was assaulted.  All the G7 countries responded to put Japan back on it’s feet financially speaking. In that sense, ‘globalization to the rescue’.  Japan was treated somewhat fairly (out of self-interest on the part of the other ‘G’ countries).

The lesson:  The US dollar is the current backbone of the entire world’s currency system.  It’s health and our health are inextricably linked.  For better or worse.  But it is also an unequal burden/privilege on the American economy.  In a sense this unequal monetary burden manifested again (in Japan’s favour) but it was at too high an operational level for the American taxpayer to understand.

The sub-prime mortgage failure and financial instruments debacle made Americans more aware of the primary role of the US dollar but not by much.  Normal people don’t generally understand the financial system in which their lives are so dependent. Neither do we Canadians.

The real point of bringing all this up  – right now – is to question whether the Euro can withstand the assault on it’s currency structure.  Iceland, Ireland and Greece are in the toilet and almost flushed down.  Spain and Italy are standing just outside the cubicle awaiting their turn.  The worry: the Euro is too complex, too interelated, to interdependent and too poorly managed to survive. Plus there is simply too much inequality for them all to share the same currency.

The solution?  More US dollars?  Not really.  The US is already ‘tapped out’ in so many ways.  More Euros?  From whom?  Will the creation of SDRs (basically IOUs) be a solution or just buy time?

And if the euro fails, it is the Euro-peons who will not be treated fairly.  Not in their eyes, anyway.

The G7 (sometimes G8) and the G20 are working diligently to make it all work.  But the house of cards is several stories high and the wind is picking up.  In other words: THE STRUCTURE IS TOO COMPLICATED.

Worse, they seem to be following recipes that aren’t working.  Low interest rates didn’t help Japan over the last decade or so.  Not helping anyone now, either.  Government incentive programs aren’t helping the US.  Loans, subsidies and grants aren’t helping the ‘southern’ European community.  For the most part, all the twiddling of the knobs is not getting a different result.  And the economists are worried.

The REAL problem (I think) is psychological.  We all have a dearth of confidence.  We have lost faith in the larger system and that includes the smaller ones, too.  From currency systems to defense, health, education and even justice.  We just don’t have the confidence.  And that shows up everywhere.

‘Aging’ doesn’t help.  Older people are more cynical.  They don’t believe their politicians.  Nor do they have the hope or ambition that comes from that confidence.  Old people don’t ‘buy in’ nearly as much as they once did.  It’s an aging thing.  And lots of the G7/8 are aging.  It is psychological and demographical. 

“Geez, Dave, what the Hell do you know?  And why are you not writing about ravens?  You promised!”

I’ll get back to the ravens.  But, in the meantime, you should all know that when things start to show up like they are (and they call this kind of out-of-balance-thing a currency war and it has, in fact, shown up in history many times) things go awry.

Truth is, the only times financial systems were stable was when they were on a gold standard.  It was simple. But being on a gold standard no longer makes any real sense.  Still, money being based on something tangible, real and confidence-inspiring does make sense.  No one seems to trust credit default swaps anymore – that is for sure.

The challenge: to simplify that which is complicated without suffering complete destruction in the process.

Of course, the average person is not trading in credit default swaps or enjoying special drawing rights (SDR) or managing a sovereign wealth fund (SWF), they are just trying to get their Honda fixed.  But make no mistake – the average person is already ‘sensing’ something is a bit stinky in the monetary system and they are already – subconsciously – taking steps.

“What does that mean?”

You are asking me!!!???

Well, I think you want to pay cash when you can. Having your money in ether space is not such a good idea.  Hell, in Greece and in Spain, having your money in the bank is not such a good idea and people have been making small runs-on-banks to get it out for months. And nowadays money in the bank is the same as money in ether.

Plus the Russians and the Chinese are taking more and more payments in gold or by direct swaps of commodities (skipping the dollar as a transaction medium).  That does not bode well.

And at a local level, people are shopping more local.  The hundred mile diet is an indirect way to keep wealth in the community (it may not be the primary purpose of the movement but it satisfies in more ways than one).  And local people are bartering for goods and services more all the time.  Everyone – governments and people are looking more to the tangible.  

“Are you saying the sky is falling?”

Rickards is.  And he cites a few scary stories.  To kickstart the US economy during the great depression, FDR did a number of drastic things.  One of them was to declare hoarding gold illegal.  Everyone was obliged to sell their gold to the government.

Government, it seems, can still do those drastic things but they are more subtle now.  They have to be.  No one trusts them.  We in the western world are already 80% invested in non-tangible money.  We have mortgages, use credit cards and automatic debit, etc.  We are actually more vulnerable to wealth confiscation than ever.  It is much easier to control the wealth of a nation when it is all recorded digitally.  The sky may not be falling but the ceiling has already definitely being lowered.

“What should I do?”

The doomsday financial guys say ‘buy gold’.  But I don’t think that is realistic.  The price is too high for most people, the means of using it in exchange too cumbersome, the use of it as a commodity too limiting.  I am not a gold person but billions are.  So, I don’t know.  Not really.  Strangely, I am more of a silver person – simply because the commodity is more easily purchased and, though cumbersome, not so much as gold.  And silver has a lot more practical uses as well. Or so they say………

But I am not really a silver person, either.

Frankly, I think it boils down to this: get rid of securitized debt (like mortgages).  Pay them off.  You can hold unsecured debt – the stuff that has virtually no ramifications if you can’t pay.  Remember: for decades the banks have not sued anyone for less than $50,000.  Costs too much.  They write it off.  So, day-to-day credit is OK.  But keep it low.  For ethical reasons – YOUR ethics.  Put bluntly: expect more volatile currency and price fluctuations.  Soon.  They are inevitable and overdue.  But, I am sure you knew that.

Just sayin’……………..

I am no mechanic.  Don’t really want to be.  But, if there is a downside out here it is engines and our reliance on them.  I rely on engines to do work, generate power, run appliances and to inflict regular episodes of pain and trauma in an otherwise idyllic life.  And I rely on my Honda 50 to push my boat.  Sadly, it is failing me.  Being a mechanic – even a poor one – is mandatory.

Damn!

Of course, most mechanical problems are simple.  If it ain’t broke in an obvious way, then it is likely just fuel or spark.  So, one checks fuel supply in all it’s various permutations and then, if you are still having trouble, you do the same for spark.  I always do fuel first because the logic of fuel running down pipes and through filters and into a mixing bowl makes sense to me.

Electronics, especially the kind that comes out of little black boxes that have myriad wires attached, makes no sense.  I can check the final endpiece – the sparkplug – but almost everything in between there and the battery is a mystery.

But do not allow me to mislead you in this.  Just because the one system (fuel) makes sense, it does not follow that the manufacturer has put that system together in a sensible way.  In fact, one can count on the manufacturer to put it together in a manner that requires the dexterity of a surgeon, the flexibility of a monkey and the strength of pneumatic tools to disassemble.  I spent two hours attempting to undo the bottom bolt on the air cleaner.  Access was limited to the equivalent of trying to take out your own prostate by way of your own anus with one arm tied behind your back.  Wearing clumsy work gloves.

Given that I skinned my knuckles several times in the tight confines of the engine compartment, it may be easier to remove one’s own prostate.

At a certain point, the reasonable person gives up and transfers the problem along with dollops of cash to someone else.  And, of course, I delayed that decision until it was the only one left to me.  I called the hungriest and most ambitious of the outboard mechanics in the area – the one who is always looking for business.  “Hey, J, got a Honda 50 here.  Running rough.  Can I bring it in?”

“Yeah, sure.  I’ve been turning people away but I know you folks out there really need your motors.  I cannot get to it for a week at the very least. Sorry.  And, just so you know, the problem you are describing is one I have fixed but only by doing everything.  I have no idea what causes that so I just start at square one and keep replacing parts til something works.  The hard part is taking it out on the water to test it all the time.  Need two guys to do that.  Your engine issue will just ‘eat gobs o’ time’.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll keep at it for a bit longer.  Maybe I quit too soon.  I’ll get back to you.”  Sheesh!  That was ‘mechanic speak’ for: I have no idea and I will charge you a lot to learn.

I tried another.  “Yeah, well, could be anything, ya know?  We been havin’ a lot of carb rebuilds this spring ’cause of the ethanol fuel, ya know?  That stuff’s just playin’ havoc with carbs, ya know?”  That is mechanic speak for: whatever it is, we are going to start by rebuilding your carbs!  Get ready.”

But, it is the way of all things.  Sometimes you just have to bend over and have your prostate removed.  Then you can go about your business.  Me and my Honda………….getting old together, losing parts – but still running.  Kinda.

Well, the best I can report on without my editor erasing…………..

The thing about ravens is that, despite their reputation for being ‘tricksters’ or ‘naughty birds’, there is precious little information about them to titillate.  Sorry.  Ravens are pretty private, actually.  They will come and engage with you on a raven-human basis for the purposes of food-getting or entertainment but their real lives, their family lives, their intimate lives are kept very private.  We never discuss anything personal beween us and we don’t even know where their nest is.

I dunno…….we’re close but distant.……ya know?

I can report that Jack and Liz seem to be pretty monogamous.  ‘Course, I don’t cover the distances they do and nor would I know the ‘signs’ if one was making out with someone other than their own spouse.  But Jack is almost always ‘around here’ and Liz just doesn’t seem the type, ya know?  She’s a bit nervous, a bit fearful and quite a homebody.  She stays pretty close to the nest.  Not the type to step out.

And ol’ Jack is a smidgen on the macho side.  He keeps other ravens out of the picture.  Ol’ Jack has carved out his domain and he does not tolerate incursions.  Not even by the eagle.  Not by a flock of gulls.  Not by anyone.  No bird messes with Jack.  I am reminded of the old 70’s song by Jim Croce, ‘Bad, Bad Leroy Brown, meanest bird in the whole damn town.’

Plus they have been together for as long as we have been here.  That’s pushing eight years.  That has to tell you something about their relationship, eh?  And I am not even counting the offspring!  These guys may be very private but they evidently do get it on.  At least around February or March.  By the middle of the summer we have little Liz and Jacks all over.  Every year.  And, just for the record: all the babies look like Jack and/or Liz.  So, one could conclude from that that no other species, anyway, was involved.

No, I think Jack and Liz are pretty straight.

Seals, on the other hand?  Don’t get me started!  Firstly, I have never seen a greater percentage of deadbeat dads than those in the seal population.  Every pup is with their mother.  Even on the weekends!  Every mother is a single mother.  Not only that, they seem to be itinerant.  They never settle down.  in effect, seals couch surf.  Family-wise, seals do not impress.

River otters have a whole other weird and different issue going on.  They have scatological problems.  It must be some kind of psychological thing.  But they seem to have a lot of their own poop playing a major role in their lives.  And the lives of others.

Our dogs, for instance.

Megan and lately Fiddich, like nothing better than to splash on a little eau d’otter after having a bath.  They think they smell nice.  They are wrong!  I have no idea what is going on in their heads……..how could the excrement of another animal seem appealing?  Mind you, most of the best perfumes made around the world have a base of ambergris – part of the expelled contents of a whales stomach – so maybe it is just me.

I just don’t seem to get everything that goes on out here.  This is just another mystery, I guess.

But at least I kept my promise…………..

I suppress myself.  I have to.  If I didn’t, I would have no readers.  And I want readers.  I like the fame, ya know?

But sometimes, I have to vent.  I have to speak my mind.  I just have to.

It is who I am.  And I am not sorry.

It’s a curse, is what it is…..

And so I wrote some blogs that were kinda political (actually, I don’t see it as political.  I see it is ethical.  But I understand if people see it as political.  They are wrong, of course.  But I understand).

Anyway, you should see the blog stats!  When I wrote about shot-gun toting thugs in El Salvador, my numbers went to 1200!  When I wrote about drinking Rye whiskey with my hermit-like friend, I was at 800.  When I write about everyday life on a remote island, the numbers remain steady at around 300.  A smidge over.  Maybe 325.

Throw a few racy words into the mix and I can see 400.

Writing my political views – the numbers plummet.  Today was 200.  Yesterday was 238.  Speaking my political/ethical mind, it seems, is not a good thing – not for marketing purposes, anyway.

Lesson to self:  If you wanna sell a book, write about ravens having sex. If you wanna vent about politics, yell in the shower.