Interesting.  Rain. Sun.  Clouds.  No wind.  How is this possible?  How does the weather change without wind?  The turbine is as still as Ayers rock.

I’ve moved past my cell phone crisis.  I never get any calls anyway.  What’s to fuss about?  Sal took the phone into the middle of the channel and, lo and behold – reception bars.  She got our messages.  There was one.  Four days without service – one message.  Maybe we can save the money and just cancel?  Wouldn’t Chun be surprised?

But, you know what?  Chun knows squat!  I know that because I got a call out today (no wind to interfere with the signal, I guess) and phoned the Rogers store.  Told them what happened.  “Aaaahhhhh………..sir……….uh……..I shouldn’t say this but the customer service people know squat!”

“Really?!  I am shocked.  What is the world coming to?  Think you can do better?”

“Absolutely.  No worries.  Bring it in.  I’ll fix you up.“

I believe this guy.  Three years ago he performed some kind of miracle and I was so impressed I went out and bought him a bottle of scotch.  That is not an easy thing for me to give away.  He must have been good.  I don’t remember any part of the actual problem at the time but I remember the giving-away-the-scotch part. That is enough of a memory to remain impressed.

It’s different out here.  Hard to explain.  You can’t subscribe to anything or get Fedex or anything delivered because the computers don’t recognize the box number as an address.  ‘Course it isn’t a real address so the computers are right.  But when they ask for the ‘place you live’ and you say, ‘on a remote island rock in the middle of nowhere’ the dialogue just ends.  We have taken to making up addresses to ‘fool’ the computer.  I live at 53 Sheer Point Place, Surge Narrows.  Sounds like an up-scale cul de sac don’t you think?  It works.

Many postal code ‘look-up’ systems don’t bother with V0P 1W0.  “I am sorry sir but your postal code doesn’t seem to exist?”

“Yeah, I know.  You just have to write it in.  V-0-P-1-W-0.”

“I am sorry sir but my computer won’t allow me to do that.  Do you live anywhere else?”

“Yeah, ‘course I do.  I was just messin’ with you.  I have an apartment in Campbell River.  And we winter in Rio, of course.”  And then I give them my friend John’s address.  They are happy with that and I am sure they are wondering……..“Duh! Like why does the guy, like, live in Campbell River and, like, try to get stuff delivered to a place that doesn’t exist?  Like?” 

I’m not complaining.  It is way better this way.  I am the dogie that got away.  When they come to herd everyone up, I’ll be off-the-radar.  Reminds me of a friend of mine who was of French Canadian descent and fathered a blond, blue-eyed little girl.  The parents named her Wang Su.  “Geez, man, why did you call your kid Wang Su?”  “Because when the revolution comes and they are looking for her, they won’t be looking for a blue-eyed blond!”   Hard to argue with that kind of logic.

We are very appreciative of being off-the-grid.  It just gets better.  But, to be honest, I really think you have to be out-of-the-gene-pool to really make it work.  And there is no question I am out of the gene pool.  I couldn’t even do a lap in the gene pool (pun intended).  And I look worse than most old men in a Speedo (hard to imagine, eh?).

No, I am off-the-grid, out-of-the-gene-pool and now staying under-the-radar.  There are a lot of phone books and Rolodex’s out there without my name in them and I am OK with that.