I am not sure when I retired.  In fact, I am not so sure that I ever have.  Who knows?  Perplexing state of being, actually.  I am still ready, willing and mostly-able to work given that my now outrageous and exacting requirements and personal limitations are met.  One thing is for sure, I am not cheap nor am I much good.  Quite a niche!  You should think twice before recommending me.   In fact, I not only moved out of the very-low-standards-expected-market, I have likely priced myself way, way out of any other type of market as well. 

I sure hope that I have or else I will have to raise my rates yet again. 

I do know that I had lost the will to run with the rats back in 1999.  I was 51 and placing mid-pack at the time.  For some reason, all of a sudden it all seemed so silly.  Still does.  I still needed chee$e, of course, and we were in no position to retire or even, for that matter to lift our noses off the grindstone or to even linger at a rat race watering hole (Palm Springs, Cabo, Whistler) for very long.  But I wanted off the treadmill and the ennui grew. 

I found myself slowing, even faltering at times.  I was being passed by other rats and there were no competitive juices complaining in response.  By the time I was 53 or 54 I simply had no heart for it anymore.  A financial need, perhaps.  Money, after all, ruled at the time.  But I had no heart for that either.  None.    I had to wait for Sal, of course, but the ennui disease was, it turned out, contagious.  Once I was in a swoon, she felt herself fading fast.  We both wanted a way out and cost was not a factor.

As you know, we found it off-the-grid.  I was 56 and living and building on a remote island but still thought of myself as not-yet-retired.  What a nut!  I kept my Vancouver 604 number for four more years. “For my clients!”  Totally delusional on my part.  Although I have had four cases in six years, I think I have to admit that I am now real close to retirement.  Maybe. 

A quick aside: A huge amount of gratitude is owed to Emily, our daughter.  We were gifted with a kid who has a sense of independence and wanderlust.  Even better she was smart enough to win a scholarship to York University in Toronto.  She too, wanted to ‘go’.  When she left home at 17 to ‘be on her own’, we knew that she would handle it.  And she has.  She gave us our freedom.  Credit goes to Ben, too.  He was three years ahead of Emily and became just as well established.  He never looked back. 

Living out here and building our own house answered all my needs.  I am happy and indebted to both my children for being as great adults as they were kids. 

So, I am happy.  Right? 

Right!  I do find this way of life a lot more ‘real’.  Translation: I play an important role in everything I do and I almost understand what I am doing.  Office work?  Not so much.   I find that a little adventure in the morning is a good thing and adventure is defined as requiring a bit of adrenaline.   I tend to schedule a little ‘adventure’ in for about noon-ish.  Quite civilized, don’t you think?  I am pleased with solving the myriad daily challenges we face, the daily exertions, the constant learning curve.  Tho I am still not a big fan of heavy sweating, I have come to enjoy swinging an axe or running a chainsaw now and then!  Mind you, I am even more pleased that I can quit all that $%$#@!! learning at 5:00 and have some wine if I want to.  I usually want to.

I am basically pleased at the level of NON boredom I have now and I was singularly displeased previously at the enormity of the omnipresent BOREDOM of the cul de sac lifestyle that I had then.  So, on that score, this is a step in the right direction. 

Key thought: direction……………..

But really, is the cul de sac any less real than the cabin?  Is chopping wood in the great outdoors any better than pushing paper in a rabbit warren office cubicle?  Is fresh air better than HVAC air?  Is being able to work to your own rhythms and moods any better than marching to the beat of the corporate drum? Is a nice glass of wine before a slowly-made-and-eaten-home-cooked-dinner that much better than a drive-thru or a 30 minute hot delivery?

On the face of it, Yes!  A thousand times yes.  But there is a caveat……………

Learning, it seems, is the real key for me and Sal.  Our location, lifestyle and health is much better but the real key was to reawaken the ‘student’ in us.  We have been on a huge learning curve these past six years.  And it is still advancing.  Except when we fall backwards, of course, but we then just pick ourselves up again and carry on.  Advancement is slow but steady as a result.  The ‘direction’ we are heading in is more about learning than anything else.    

We learn stuff new every day, every week and every season.  It is like being at school again, only way, way better because we choose the topics, we choose the pace and we do the grading.  It is that learning of things that is so interesting to us and, I think, feels so good.  Truthfully, there may or may not be much of a real difference between HVAC air and fresh air but the fresh variety is largely a new experience for me.  I can smell the trees, pick up scents from flowers hundreds of yards away.  I can hear better.  I see better.  Whatever the value difference is in the actual air quality is almost irrelevant to the whole experience.  The bonus stuff I get, like clouds and birds and rustling leaves, makes ‘fresh air’ better than HVAC air.   But the real lesson is in now knowing the difference.

But, you know what? We felt the same way as beginner ESL teachers in Hong Kong.  And air quality there was not a positive factor!  So, it doesn’t matter what or where the learning takes place – it just has to happen.   
So, I am definitely ahead by one great lesson.  Learning that learning new stuff is the best and easiest part of having fun, being healthy and enjoying life.  The location and the activity are not so critical although, by definition, they should change now and then – for me, anyway.  But the real ‘refresher’ is in the learning. 

Part of that is coming by way of this blog.  I am poking at ‘readership’ and seeing what happens.

Just so you know, I poke at things all the time.  Not every time is there a life changing result.  In fact, some pokes are pointless.  Still, out of 30 pokes at the universe, something always unfolds.  I wonder where this one will go. 

Maybe I will become a ‘cabin consultant’?