It seems that Freedom is not so much of ‘nothing left to lose’ as it is a function of social constraints or, perhaps, just grey-matter gone gooey in all the rain.  Get away from peer group pressure, neighbours and normally accepted/expected behaviour and you will, unfortunately for your spouse and family, find your true self. Being truly yourself can be a surprising thing.  Trust me.   

As my brother-in-law put it, “rural people aren’t nuts, they are the squirrels.”   

The people who live out here in the forest are free to be themselves and many of them have taken to it like a lemming does a cliff.  They are certainly eccentric if not over the edge.  Some are complete loons (and, of course, in the spirit of the politically correct new tolerances for just about everything, ‘there is nothing wrong with that!’) 

Mind you, my opinion on what is goofy is also changing the longer I live out here.  I guess I am becoming myself.  Apologies to all.  I have shifted from my previous (albeit disputed) conventional, Stats-Can-poster-boy-type thinking to contemplating the wild and crazy theories of life, diet, economics, politics, weather and the media (just to name the current top six) normally raised over a cheap bottle of plonk by my new friends and neighbours.  No, really – these guys are ‘out there’.  Worse, I think I am slowly being converted.  I used to just laugh and laugh when they talked to me.  Now, I take notes.

We have eccentricities out here for everything.  And you have no idea about fad-diets until you have met some of our more outlandish bachelor(ette)s.  They will eat anything it seems except what you’d expect to find in a Safeway. 

Phil, the fruitarian, showed up last year for a visit and announced that he was a fruitarian and had been for years.  “What’s a fruitarian?” I asked. “I only eat fish and berries – like the bears.”

“Oh!  Well, that will be fine.  Thanks.” He cleaned the plates and took a coke to go. 

Bill was a strict ‘octo-lacto’ vegetarian but we were serving BBQ’d steaks when he dropped in.  I had cooked eight of them for the expected number of guests but two canceled.  No problem.  Bill ate three.  Presumably he went back to being a vegetarian the next day.  He was no freeloader, mind you.  He contributed soymilk, bottled water and a bottle of Omega three essential oils to the dinner.  A bar of carob-based chocolate, too.  A little known factoid: Octo-lacto vegans like scotch!

But the real eccentricities are saved for politics and economics.  On those topics, we reside in Conspiracy county.   

“It’s all a plot, a conspiracy.  You see, G.W. Bush and the Queen are in on a secret pact with the Swiss banks (substitute ‘pope’, Israelis, Oil cartel, Bill Gates, the Rockefellers, Putin or Scientology for any of the three named above) and they are planning to take over the world!”

Oddly, I find that I am staying indoors at night.

One of my neighbours knits hats.  They are very nice, really beautifully made and comfortable.  If he likes you, he also offers to sew in an aluminum foil liner.  “To keep the secret rays from the government microwave beams off your brain!”  The good thing about his skill is that the foil doesn’t weigh anything and no one can see it inside the tasteful liner.  It’s quite comfortable, actually.

We have a ‘phone book’ up here.  One of the locals published it. Very few residents have phones but their alternative way of being contacted is listed so the concept is there at the very least.  Most interestingly, all the names listed are first names.  No last names.   

“People got upset when I asked them their last name,” said the publisher.  “So, I could only get them listed if I just used first names.”  Of course we have Five Daves, four Steves, three Phils and Jens and, inexplicably, a Bubba (summer visitor, tho) so the mystery has been maintained somewhat.  One neighbour I know as Gary is listed as Frank – for security reasons.

One of our locals is judged a bona fide genius.  Mind you, the jury is somewhat suspect.  Anything needing fixing, explaining or understanding is referred to Earl and the answer will be forthcoming if free libations go with it.  Earl, himself, is rarely seen, however, except at community potluck dinners.  And, when he is present, he is mostly very quiet or unintelligible.  He, too, is convinced that the plots are all afoot and the end of days is nigh.   

 “Uh, no thanks on the turkey”, he said.  “The government killed off all the real turkeys back in the 50’s and these are all clones of a mutant, genetically modified one that attacks your sperm count and adds to your female hormone levels.  As soon as the government has enough technology for conducting wars without soldiers, they are going to eliminate men from the equation.  They want us all to be women.  Haven’t you noticed that almost all government workers are women?  It didn’t start out that way, you know.”

Hard to argue with that even if you wanted to.  But I passed on the turkey as well. 

Tom is beyond eccentric.  He is plainly off his nut.  Having said that, he is amongst the most pleasant of companions and is genuinely welcomed wherever and whenever he shows up – for a while anyway.  I like him, too.  Kinda fun in a ‘where-is-this-heading’ kind of way.  One day he showed up and did so without a boat.  “Hey, Tom, good to see you.  How did you get here without a boat?”

“Well”, he said with a huge grin, “that depends.  Where am I?”

“I must have!” he said laughing, “I think it’s down at the dock.  I must have walked over.  Ha, ha!  How could I get here without a boat?” he said, looking at me as if I were mad.  We had some tea and a nice visit before he went back over the hill to the dock.

I could go on.  We have the seasonally naked guy (all seasons, it seems).  The perpetually stoned, the new-age spiritualists, the really-skinny ones who fast all the time and the women who raise goats and slaughter them for some income but will only sell to a select few.  One of them – at a community potluck dinner – got up to speak and denigrated all the males and followed that up instructing single males they had to eat last!  Only men with their wives standing near dared go up at all.

It may seem odd to have this much oddness but it isn’t.  It’s harmless and colourful, eccentric but entertaining and the really good thing is that you have no doubts about everyone’s true character.  This is who we are and I couldn’t make this stuff up.  Price of admission, free – as in free your self up, let it all hang out and pass on the turkey.