Temperature dropped last night.  Another threat to the water system which can best be met by draining the system.  So, I did.  No big deal. 

‘Course, I make it a big deal by choosing to wait until both Sally and I have had our showers and then, naked and with wet hair, I slip on my boots and (are you getting that picture?) trip under the house (across the slippery, bendy plank in the dark) to close and open valves, draining the water and shutting off the pump and water heater.  The exercise is pretty automatic now but it still takes about ten minutes.  The worst part is standing there in the below zero temperature waiting for the water to drain out.  Naked.

Every single time draining the system is undertaken, it is when it is dark, the temperature is freezing and every single time I do it, I take the expedient route of going naked.

Five minutes into the exercise I wonder (yes, every single time!), “Why the hell don’t I put something on before I come down here?”  While I am mulling over that particular glitch in my programming, the system drains and I return to the house only shivering slightly.  Of course, the best way to warm up is either standing in front of the woodstove or cuddling up with Sal. 

Which do you think I choose?

Honestly, the stupid things I do on a constant basis amazes even me.  I will not describe my use of the chainsaw.  It defies logic, safety and even the survival instinct and will eventually become clear to you when you visit me in hospital some day.  We really should book a time.  It is inevitable. 

It is not so much that I am stupid (although that is something to be considered but, obviously, not by the subject in question, right?) it is rather that I operate on an ‘exceptional’ modus operandi.  Meaning:  This in an exception………’Just this once……..I can run naked across the log, fetch the end of the rope and just ‘nip’ back to tie it up before the log rolls and spins me into the sea.  I am sure.  Pretty sure.  Well, let’s give it a try.  It is easier than going to get the pike pole.  It’ll just take a sec’.

When I was younger, that kind of ‘shortcut’ worked for me 9 times out of ten.  A little balance, a bit of timing, a dash of dare-devil and a dollop of luck and I was done!  Quick, easy and efficient.  The one time out of ten it did not work out rarely killed me (can’t think of a single time) and only resulted in some bleeding or bruising plus a slight embarrassment now and then.  It seemed like a fair trade or ‘rough trade’ as it were to get the job done quickly.

But this getting older syndrome eats into your balance and timing.  It is not as easy to leap from rock to rock or jump the gap or balance on one leg while hanging over a cliff trying to get a bolt in to granite with a slippery crescent wrench when you are post 60.  The odds have dropped.  I am now as likely to hurt myself as not.  I am no longer a safe 9 out of ten on NOT-likely-to-screw-up-scale, but more like a 5 out of ten or, for you math freaks: one out of two!  Those ain’t good odds.

I am really going to have to opt for the road less dangerous rather than the path of expedience or the shortcut of impatience.  Otherwise, I will become the man with few functions and even fewer digits and limbs.   I really have to smarten up.

Dressing warmly when it is freezing is a good place to try out this theory, I think.  I may just give it a try next time I drain the system.   

Why?  Because time is catching up with me and, if it does, it is likely to find me naked.

We can’t have that, now can we?