Gone to the dogs

As anonymous said: “It’s the dogs turn. So far you have pretty much left them undiscussed. So turn your pen to the dogs.

I am pretty sure that ‘anonymous’ in this case, is Sally. We have our own computers and she wants the dogs to get more ‘press’. I suspect that she is the one wanting hear about her own dogs. And, of course, should I write the truth, I will pay for it forever so it is pretty much a demand for a glowing PR release promoting Portuguese Water dogs. And ours in particular.

Sheesh.

Megan is the older of the two, about 9 we figure. We got her when she was 4. She had been a reluctant participant in the local PWD breeder’s program and basically lived in the kennel for four years warding off all advances and remaining chaste and, at times, chased by Bogart, the resident stud.

The breeder was disappointed in Meg because, in every other way, Meg was a champion specimen of a PWD with awards and ribbons to prove it. I think she was a Lesbian (not that there is anything wrong with that but it disappoints breeders and studs at the very least). She was also a bona fide, kennel-ized nut case! Sal and her hit it off right away.

I had promised Sal a dog. Any dog. Whatever she wanted. The only proviso was that she quit her job and we go off and have a life. I figured that, if I had to have a dog to get a life, at least I’d get a life! At the time it seemed like a reasonable trade-off. Turns out I got partly a dogs life.

When it was time and Sally’s birthday was coming around, I felt obliged to honour my promise and contacted the BC PWD Association. I spoke with the woman in authority regarding PWDs and who gets ém.

“I understand that you have PWDs for sale and that they cost about $2,000? Could you put me on the waiting list for one?”

“Well, I have to interview you first. You can’t have a dog just like that, you know? Why do you want a PWD?

“Well, to be honest, I don’t. But my wife does and I want my wife. Ergo dog.”

“Hmm…..well, there are no puppies due for at least six months.”

“Thank God!! A reprieve!! Wahoo!! Will you put me on the list. Maybe at the bottom?”

“I am not so sure that you are going to make a good owner…………

“I probably won’t. I’ll be good to the dog and treat it with grudging respect and all. You know, food, water and the odd pat on the head. But Sal will be the Mother Teresa of dogs. She will love her dog to bits. In fact, part of my reluctance is that I’ll come fifth in the love line-up after my son, my daughter and the dog. Yes, I can add. But Sal will leave space number four open just in case. Trust me, I’m fifth in a group of three.

“Well, I still have to interview you both.”

“By the way, do you ever have any discount dogs? You know? Ones with a kink in their tail or pigeon-toed or cross-eyed or something? One ear, perhaps? Maybe cheaper?”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!! I am definitely wondering about you. Our dogs are pedigreed and blah, blah, blah, blah and you’d be lucky if we allow one in your care. Your wife better be as great as you say she is or you don’t have chance!”

“Oh. Sorry. Forgive me. I am just a guy trying to make his wife happy and I’ll do whatever it takes even if that means acting like I want a dog. Honest, I can pull that off. You’ll see.”

“I doubt that but, say………have you ever thought about getting a dog that is grown? You know, the puppy stage is a difficult one and it requires even more patience, tolerance and love than does what I am hearing from you. Would you consider an older dog?”

“That depends……….how long do PWDs live?”

“About 14 years.”

“Got a 13 year old?”

I waited a day to phone back.

3 thoughts on “Gone to the dogs

  1. The crazy thing is, this is pretty much the truth. Other than the fact that it wasn't me asking you to write about the dogs. (Although I don't object.) But surely you know by now that I'm not the only one reading this stuff. -Sally

    Like

  2. I can see there is more to this story because obviously you must have ended up with gender bending dog as your first installment on this dog tribute. Looking forward to many more 'history' and habits and dog stories – got to say I love them. Love your blog too.

    Like

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