Hello? Hello?

Texting?  Twitting?  I don’t think so.  Not my style.  The idea of my face on Facebook freaks me out.  And I’d prefer to keep mySpace to myself, thank you very much.  I am just not into it.

I even try to limit my phone time now.  Don’t like it.  Zero phone time is good.  I don’t even like retrieving ‘messages’.  Means I have to phone the ‘special number’ to get them.  Hate that.   I just don’t like phoning or even being phoned anymore.   It may be an ‘age thing’.   Definitely an off-the-grid thing.  But partly it is because it is expensive and, for sure, it is because the service is ‘sketchy’ out here and it is usually hard to hear the other person.  Bugs me.

And the new social messaging leaves me cold.  I just don’t tweet.

But I like e-mail.  I can get it written and sent and then go about my business to enjoy the receipt of the response later on at my convenience.  I think that is a great form of communication. Emphasis on my convenience. 

But it has it’s downsides.

Firstly, there seems to be a tendency for most writers to keep it short.  I hate that, too. Brevity is a style that I am not familiar with.  I just don’t get it.  I like to write short stories, myself.  Even when answering short questions.  I like to open up, ya know?  But most people keep it short.  Too short, if you ask me.  I prefer some gut-spilling, if you don’t mind.  Let it out!  Show me the blood!

And those who ‘text’ with their thumbs while waiting in line for a cappucino at Starbucks are the worst. ” CU la8-er.  lol.”

What the hell is that!?

Another problem with e-mail is that many tend to write in some weird kind of memo-speak.  Like they are talking to JB at head office or something.  Some of us, of course, write in a real, down-home, earthy, great-guy-next-door style but that has it’s own problems whenever you are writing to people who have other, stiffer, professional styles.  Or, as in most cases, no style at all!  Or, even more likely, no personality at all!

Government types don’t seem to like the folksy style one little bit.  “Don’t be my friend”  is the message writ large between the lines of their e-mail response to my friendly, ‘come hither’ style.  And some tend to write as if Homeland Security is reading the blind copy.  What the hell are these people afraid of?  We’re not talking about a sale on box-cutters or where to get a mail-order pilot’s license.  Lighten up, for heaven’s sake.

(Note to Homeland Security personnel: I am old.  I am harmless.  Not a Muslim.  Don’t even know where Mecca is.  It was just a joke.  Allah Akbar!)

But there is no denying it, e-messages written in your basic English still seem to get mistranslated now and then.  It’s a common problem amongst e-mailers.  Still, I prefer it.  I really do.  At the very least it means getting to write a few more e-mails for clarification.  It can be a kind of an extra bonding experience for me.

‘Course, you have to actually get some bloody e-mails now and then.  Know what I mean?  Otherwise the reader with the empty inbox might just get hurt feelings.  I mean, I am just postulating.  I think we all have to stay in contact, ya now?  Just saying…..