Everybody has ’em!

On our street, we have two security guards, Alberto and Roberto.  Almost as indistinguishable as their names. They are both short, squat Mayans in security-guard-type uniforms and they each carry sawed-off shotguns.  Mossbergs.  Police ‘specials’.  The kind with the pistol grip and short barrel.  They don’t sling ’em over their shoulder.  They don’t leave ’em in the car.  They don’t even carry them casually with one hand.  The two ‘bertos’ (never together – one has the day shift, the other does nights) are always at-the-ready’ with the shotgun held in two hands and across the chest.

Equally as ‘ready’ are their smiles.  These are nice guys.  Almost child-lke.  I usually give them candies when I see ’em.  They like candies.  They like me.  I am Da-veed numero uno.  There are two lesser Da-veeds located around the corner somewhere.  I am pretty sure they don’t give out candies, but I do.  Thus my ranking.

Go to the local supermercado and there are two, sometimes four, ‘guards’, all with shotguns.  They stand by the doors (and there are doors front and back) and watch for any shoplifters that need to be blown away, I guess.

Guarding the Store

Interesting side note: at the back door there is also a lottery ticket salesman complete with a portable amplifier and speakers capable in itself of blowing someone away.  The guy with the microphone yells and screams at the crowd at somewhere around the 500 decibel level with Latin background music accompaniment.  I swear: the guard could likely shoot a person and not be heard!

There is usually a gun-totin’  guard at any ATM machine, too.  Which is kinda funny.  The local ATMs are often out of cash but the guard is hired by the day.  So there he stands, guarding……………an empty, bolted-down-and-fully-exposed-in-public ATM.  Armed.  Serious.  Alone.

I may start to carry more candies.

We once were stopped behind a box-van and the driver and the swamper got out to quickly unload a few ‘flats’ of eggs into a nearby tienda.  While they did that the security guard for the bank next door came over and ‘stood guard’.  We watched the eggs enjoy shotgun protection from truck to store shelf!

There are shotgun totin’ guards sprinkled liberally about the town and even on the outskirts.  Every good hotel has at least one.  The public park sports a few.  ‘Course the cops all have ’em and every twentieth vehicle is a cop car.  And then there are the noticeably fewer at the publico mercado and bus depot but that still adds another say, half-dozen.

My guess: there are at least two hundred shotguns-at-the-ready sprinkled about the town at any one time.  The town is about 8 blocks square.  That is an average of 3 or so shotguns per block.  And I may be underestimating.

Pinatas.  Shotguns.  Really, really loud noise.  I am starting to understand this country.