Wednesday was community-building day.  We went to put up dry wall in the old bunkhouse.  Sal and I arrived just after R, L, J, D and G had gotten started.  We unpacked our junk and looked for something to do.  I went over to D.

“Hey, man.  Long time.  Two months.  Miss me?”

“Nope!”

“Aw, you’re just saying that, you old mushy guy, you.  Tryin’ not to get too emotional eh? Wanna hug, man?”

“Nope.”

D is a good guy.  A smidge reserved and stand-offish at times but it comes from being a top bureaucrat for longer than he should have.  Longer than anyone should have.  Ministry of Justice.  He affects this old, retired brigadier-type thing.  Kinda gruff and growly.

“Read my blog?”

“Nope.  Already know about El Salvador.”

“How’d you know it was about El Salvador if you hadn’t read it?”

There is a grunt, a hint of a smile.  Then a grumbled, “Well, my wife reads it to me.  But I don’t listen!”

“That reminds me”, I said. “A reader wrote to comment on the aging article.  He’s our age.  Claims many of us can’t put our pants on while standing up anymore.  Hey, D, can you put your pants on while standing up?”

“What!?”  He looked horrified.  As I mentioned, D is a bit ‘starched’.  His reaction was something like that of the Queen if you had inquired after her personal habits.

“You heard me.  Can you put on your pants while standing up?  Better question; can you take them off while standing up?  One never knows when that might be necessary,eh?”

“What kind of a question is that?  That is too much information!  Does your wife know what you are saying?!

“Well, not at this particular time but she would expect this kind of thing from me and, further, she would expect me to get the answer.  C’mon, out with it!”

“Well, if you must know……..of course I can put my pants on standing up!” And he harrumphed and blustered like some Agatha Christie character in an English mystery novel.

“I figured.  I’ve watched you bend over.  Everyone has.  But the real question is can you put on your underpants first?”

“What!?  Watched me bend over?! Who watches me bend over?!!

“Well, I have to tell you that I can do it standing up.  I can put on my underpants and then my jeans.  Standing up.  And I am a smidge older than you.  Mind you, I wear boxers and I get big ones.  My shorts are round enough to double as a bed skirt.  It’s easy if you get really big ones.  Now tighty-whities would be hard to do.  Impossible, I think.  You don’t wear tighty-whities do you?”

D was about to come undone.  He spluttered and harrumphed, he fussed and scowled and, basically, was at a loss for words. He turned back to the drywall and examined the screws and tried to calm down.

G and S had heard all this and were smiling…………..

He spun around and addressed me in a strong clear voice, “If you must know, it can be done!  Easily.  You just have to drop the garment to the floor, use your foot to open the leg holes and then you step in, bend down and lift.  Voila!  Easy as pie.  No balancing on one leg necessary.” 

I just looked at him.  Flat affect.  And waited a long time before responding……….

“Wow, man.  Tighty-whities, eh?  That really is too much information.”