My son and his partner K are in eastern Europe. They are having a good time. But, of course, not all their conversation revolves around just traveling. Sometimes they talk about other things: K wrote to tell me of one conversation……..
Anyways, the reason that I am e-mailing you is because last night at dinner B and I had a conversation that really made me think of you. Not exactly sure why I thought of you, but either way I hope you enjoy it. But if you don’t enjoy it please lie and say that you did because you know I am awfully shy and self-conscious about my writing.
So this is how our conversation went:
me: So did you read A’s blog?
B: No of course not. Why? What did it say?
Me: Well you know how she had a baby a few months ago, and has been writing a blog about raising this kid?
B: yeah…………………….. I guess………….
Me: Well, she wrote about the top ten things that you NEED to have before having a baby.
B: What the eff….!.(shakes his head, roles his eyes, etc). Now that she has had a baby for a couple of months she is an expert? I bet I could make a baby list way better than hers.
Me: okay, let’s hear it.
B: okay, hmm…………….. Okay……………1) Diapers and shit-wipes. That goes without saying. And probably some of that powder stuff.
Me: Why do you need powder, B?
B: I don’t know, but I have watched movies. You wipe the kids butt, sprinkle some powder and then put a new diaper on. I don’t know what it’s for, but I have watched enough movies to know you NEED powder.
Me: okay, okay, what else?
B: 2) baby poncho
Ben: Why else would you dress a baby in anything else but a poncho? They are going to poop and burp and stuff and you need something that you can clean and slip off them quickly. Plus they don’t care what they look like and I sure as hell don’t either. Plus ponchos can be worn by either sex and babies aren’t really girls or boys, they are just babies.
Me: umm……okay, as crazy as that sounds it does make some sense I guess.
Ben: hmm.. okay.. number 3… Oh I know. 3) A second poncho!
Me: well, yeah! I would assume that you needed more than one outfit for a child.
Ben: Yeah… two.
Me: okay.. this does not surprise me either. Especially considering that you haven’t bought a single article of new clothing since we met. But what about when they burp up and stuff.
Ben: Exactly, that’s why you have two. K, come on, you don’t need more than two!
Me: okay, okay what else?
Ben: 4)Classical music. You know, that shit will make your kid smart. Lots of complex music stuff. Get that kid thinking right away. Challenge its’ thinking. Hit em when they’re young.
Me: yeah, okay. I like that.
B: 5) Baby backpack/front pack.Something to tie it on you.
Me: I like how you keep referring to it as an ‘it’?
B: Yeah, whatever………… 6) stroller and 7)Breast pump
Me: Wow! I am surprised you thought of that
B: Like I said, I have watched lots of movies, I know what’s up.
Me: I guess so.
B: I guess maybe some baby booties…. Everyone seems to think they are a necessity and I would almost feel like a bad parent if I didn’t give the kid some booties.
Me: So 2 ponchos and 1 pair of booties?
B: ………..yeah…..No! Never mind. The booties aren’t needed. Just get a big enough poncho that it covers its’ feet. That’d do.
Me: okay what else then..
B: Blankets. I guess and 9) one of those rocker things so that the baby can rock to sleep without you having to walk around the whole neighborhood every night.
Me: Okay and what would be #10.
Ben: hmm.. well…….you got me thinking. And I think we may need a 3rd poncho……………
After all the parenting tips I got from you in Guatemala I thought that you would be pretty proud of your son. Anyways, I hope you and Sally are great. Looking forward to seeing you both (and the dogs) when we get back.