Ho Ho Ho


” I think I should go interview the turkey.” said Sal’s mum (85) as she rose slowly to her feet.

“For what position?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Well, when interviewing, one expects that the interviewee has applied for something.  You know, in this case maybe the dinner centrepiece or perhaps, vice-centrepiece?  Maybe executive assistant to the centrepiece?”

“What are you going on about you silly fool?” 

“Who interviews a turkey?” 

“Well, I suppose it is an old term no longer in everyday use, now that you mention it. What a cheek!  As you will, then.  I will go and see to the turkey.  How’s that?” 

“Jolly good.”  It’s a tradition.  I tease Sal’s mum on being so veddy British.  She claims to be a Canajun, eh?”

I turn my head. 

“So when the natural disaster hits, eh, and like all the people are like starving and crazed with fear, like, waddya gonna do, eh?  Share your food?!  I don’t think so.  It’s judgment day, dude.  Time to break out the heavy artillery, man.  You are gonna have to kill people to keep your family safe, man.  I say ‘be prepared’.  So said my brother-in-law as we resumed our conversation on the pros and cons of having assault rifles.

“Well, t’is the season, isn’t it? Ya got your school massacres and all this time o’ the year.  Rapid-fire season, I guess you’d call it? “

“Exactly!  Get ’em before they get you!”

“Yeah.  Keep a happy thought.  But you make a very good point about the natural disaster.  Inevitable.   Articulate, too.   I’ll give you that.  So what are you recommending?  50 calibre heavy impact slugs or a storm of high velocity small rounds?  And, more to the point, does any of this stuff come on sale Boxing Day?”    .

And from across the room.  A cousin read out loud his party favour joke.  “What do you call a multi-storey pig pen? …………………………….. A styscraper!” 

” I don’t get it?”  Said Ellen, a niece somewhat reknown for not getting it.

“Why did the man sleep under his car?  ……………………………….He wanted to get up oily!” 

” I don’t get it” ……said Ellen.

“Why does a sea gull fly over the sea?  …………………….Because if it flew over the bay it would be a bagel!”

 ” I don’t get it”…….said Ellen

A somewhat familiar face approached.  “So how was your trip over?  Ferries crowded, eh?  Sailing wait?”

I smiled at the cousin going through the motions.  Nice in an obtuse-haze kind of way.   I have been coming down island for the last eight years instead of coming from Vancouver but, what the hell, eh?  Asking about the ferries is tradition.  I just said, “Yeah.  Pretty crowded.  But we had reservations.  We were good.” 

And so it was.  Sugar plums, egg nog, annual face/name recognition-testing and another family Christmas with relatives began…………Ho Ho Ho


1 thought on “Ho Ho Ho

  1. Why did the turkey cross the road?

    To prove he wasn’t chicken.

    Is turkey soup good for you?

    Not if you’re the turkey

    Why did the person quit smoking cold turkey?

    Because the feathers made him cough.

    Why did the turkey bolt down its food?

    Because it was a gobbler.

    What do turkeys like to eat at Christmas?

    Nothing, they’re already stuffed.

    Did you hear about the conservative turkey?

    It had two right wings.

    Happy Christmas Day!


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