Chocolate snake and the transexual

I don’t often report on the blog but, forgive me this time, please, as I am going to.

My blog is a three time-a-week affair now and, of course, the numbers were expected to drop as a consequence.  And they have.  But so did the service provider and that didn’t help ratings at all.  My page-carrier fell off the working-duty roster when it got hacked a week or so ago and my blog and a whole bunch of other web-based small businesses went down.  No more Mr. Nice guy-in-the-woods.  I was inadvertently incognito for almost week.

Such is life.  No one needs this blog.  It is just a hobby.  But – damn! – I felt disconnected all of a sudden.  I felt like I was somehow lost.  Lonely, to be sure.  No comments came in.  No one wrote.  The numbers (stats) fell off like I had bird flu.  It felt awful.  So, I did what any blogger over 60 would do, I called my son and asked him to fix it.

And he did.  But in the process, I learned more about the site’s statistics.  I learned that 80% of my readers are from the Canada and spread in a diminishing concentration to as far away as Nova Scotia.  Newfies and Nunavites have resisted jumping on the bandwagon so far.  Disappointing but understandable.  So has the Yukon.  That is because they live this off-the-grid-kinda way, too.  Most of the balance of readers are from the US, as you would expect, but there are people in Europe, China, Hong Kong, New Zealand and, get this: PERU!

Now, honest to God, I like Peruvians.  Why not!?  Machu Pichu, llamas, coffee……what’s not to like?  But why would a Peruvian read about Dave and Sally?  So: If you are that lone Peruvian, please write and make a connection.

I also learned that the average reader spends a minute and 44 seconds on the page.  And that the vast majority come directly from a Google search or ‘bookmark’ familiarity rather than by referral from another site.  The only site that has a noticeable referral rate is A VINTAGE GREEN  ( which has nothing really to do with living off the grid except J & S are our friends.  J has a quite a list of blogs she likes and OTG is one of them.

I’ve had as many as 1300 readers in a day but it wasn’t ever due to my writing appeal.  I inadvertently used a term that attracted some weirdos.  Some phrase that was accidentally used having a kinky meaning in some underground milieu.  Something, perhaps, a smidge less bizarre than this following example:

I chicken-wrung the big black snake, covered it in chocolate and put it on the trapeze with the naked, transsexual midget for later display at the monastery”.

That sentence alone will likely increase my readership by 100% today.  I may even be able to add a few new countries.

And I will get advertisements for organ enlargement.

The internet is a marvelous thing.


8 thoughts on “Chocolate snake and the transexual

  1. Yup it’s all in the #tags. Now if you will join a bloggy linkey party at Miss Charlotte’s tie-dyed bush your readership will grow exponentially! Just saying. (Yes bloggy is a real word; like one of the eight dwarfs)


    • A tie-dyed bush and Miss Charlotte, eh? I think I may know her……………hmmmm………….but, really……she is a very nice girl. Lovely personality. Healthy in an uninhibited kind of way as I recall.
      Still, I don’t think I want that kind of audience. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that! But I just don’t have the content. I can’t satisfy. I pretty much have to appeal to the self-defeatist, the injury-prone and the Walter Mitty’s of this world. The kinda guys who like scotch, cheap B flicks and Bruce Willis saying ‘Yippee Eye Ky Yah’. My kind of guys.
      Those chocolate snake guys scare me.


    • The thanks is for you. I think you single-handedly doubled my readership although I suspect that somewhere amongst them are a few of the chocolate snake types. Are you up to more than collecting and refinishing antiques? Is there something you should be telling me?


  2. I get the snake thing but remember all hits are ‘sauce for the goose’ especially if your blog gets advertising/sponsorship then you are in the money.
    Build a honeymoon cabin and advertise it in Japan as a destination.


    • You may have noticed………………? No ads? This is not a business. This is just sharing. Ya know? It is an assist to understanding the human condition and the condition they find themselves in?

      And I would appreciate a little help. I have no idea what is going on. Justin Trudeau is the leader of the Federal Liberal Party? How is that even possible? Five living president vist the GW Bush presidential library when the guy, himself, admits to hardly reading anything at all?

      What’s in the library? Archie Comics?


  3. I’m probably your only Iowa reader . . . and I didn’t (errr . . .Iowa didn’t) get a mention in this analytical breakdown. Please explain that?


    • Sorry. Iowa would have been ignorantly swept up in the sentence: “Most of the balance of readers are from the US, as you would expect,…” But, I realize now that Iowa considers itself somewhat independent, doesn’t it?
      More to the point tho – the Google Analytics doesn’t break the States into states. I am pretty sure there is a North Carolina reader and one from Texas. And now Iowa. Maybe my ol’ buddy from New Mexico?


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