The force is with them this time, Luke

SOoooooo…………..we have a few squirrels and they are pretty comfortable here.  They have a good time, do what they want to do, go where they want to go and, generally, don’t have a care in the world.  Our two dogs respect them and leave them entirely alone.  Our two dogs seem to respect everything and leave just about everything entirely alone.  Except dinner and a thrown stick.  If we ever get attacked by sticks or rampaging BBQ chicken, we will be able to count on Meg and Fid.

Until then?  Not so much.

We have pacifist Portuguese Water dogs.  Lovers, not fighters.  Well, sleepers, really.  Not even lovers.  And no amount of incitement-to-kill or inter-species-hate-mongering from us can change that.  We used to go “ch-ch-ch-ch-ch” and run at the squirrels pointing and yelling, “Kill, Fid! Kill the squirrel!”  (well, I said kill the squirrel but Sal would only say chase the squirrel) That would get Fid all riled up and he would run with us in the direction of the little tree rat.  As soon as we were all in hot pursuit of the trespassing squirrel, the squirrel would ‘up and stop’ resting on a railing or something, all the better to watch Fid hightail it right on by heading off into the bush pretending to be chasing something.

Sometimes I would rest on the same rail or tree and the squirrel and I would both watch Fid run around.

Some other times when Fid was just lying around being a dog, the squirrel would simply walk by within inches and they would twitch noses at each other.  They had an agreement of some kind, I am sure.  Or Fid is even stupider than I already think.

Hard to imagine.

But this didn’t stop Sal from “ch-ch-ch-ch-ing” and running in the direction of the squirrel when it was perched on her bird feeder.  And that worked for a bit.  I enjoyed the show.  It lasted until the squirrel noted the lack of killer instinct in Sal.  Then I was further entertained while she made futile charges at the squirrel-with-no-fear and would, of course, stop short, shrug and come back in the house mumbling about how stupid that squirrel was.

“I don’t think the squirrel is stupid at all.  You, on the other hand………”

She’d turn on me and chase me.  And I ran.  I saw danger in her even if the squirrel didn’t.

Sal once got a squirt gun and, when the squirrel was Bogarting the bird feeder, she would open the window and ‘spritz’ the squirrel.  After the first such surprise, the squirrel seemed to show up for food and a refreshing shower.  The squirt gun was a nice touch – for the squirrel.

I offered to get a BB gun and shoot the squirrel in the rump.  That suggestion was rejected.  Too mean!

So day-before-yesterday I got out two little 9 volt batteries, joined them to 18 volts and wired in a small swtch.  I then connected the assembly to the metal bird feeder.  ‘Course I had to shoo the squirrel off the feeder to wire it in.  The feeder already had two dark cords holding it from swaying in the wind and Sally had arranged a bundle of small branches that hung around it so the birds could perch more natural-like.  My two wires (both brown) were completely lost in the midst of the feeder surround.

Prior to my wiring in the improvised electronic device (IED) the squirrel was on the feeder like yellow on a banana.  Every day.  Since wiring in the device – which he watched me do – he has not returned.  It has been three days.  No squirrel.

I was thinking of zapping a few birds just to make sure it works but the fact is, it is working like a monitored video surveilance camera.  There may not be a need to for it to actually work if the potential perp thinks it is there and working.  Clearly my squirrel thinks it is there, working, lurking and ready to do some shocking.

How is this possible?  Squirrels understand electricity?  I mean, maybe a squirrel in Vancouver….ya know?……one that has been zapped a few times…………….maybe?  But our squirrels are rubes.  Hicks.  Squirrel bumpkins.  How did the little blighter know that the feeder was now booby trapped?

I am not sure but I am beginning to think that ol’ Mother Nature is planning a retaliatory strike and the squirrels are just part of the much larger force, Luke.




1 thought on “The force is with them this time, Luke

  1. I love the little critters. I prefer them to be running around if the choice were rats or baby raptors. Rats thumbs up! Give me the moles and their mounds any day. Why? Because I live rurally with farms abounding and vermin all around. Its where I live and they go with locale. We now have black squirrels living around here and virtually no red squirrels. Red squirrels probably with become endangered in BC. Save the red squirrels?


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