A reader commented the other blog that ‘they are looking forward to my next book‘. That was nice. Much appreciated. But I could use a little help in that regard, if you don’t mind.
I am getting close to churning out another three hundred pages of gibberish (actually, it requires about 1000 pages so that Sal can cut and slash, lacerate and trash, reject and rewrite it down to 300). But close is the operative word. I haven’t started yet. I am having directional problems. My literary GPS is out of whack.
What to write about?
“Never mind, honey, don’t sweat it. You might be just a one-hit bit of mediocrity, anyway. Maybe you should take up cooking?” Sal is losing her motivation in the kitchen and it is amazing how many times she suggests I turn my hand to the culinary arts rather than worry about the literary ones. Support like that is hard to find.
“No. I think this is something I have to do. My fan base has needs. And I need to fill ’em. And, right now, the fan base is really quite small – in the dozens, if not less – and so the task is made so much easier by that. If I write for Dwayne, Sid, John and DC, I should be good for the other dozen or so anonymice (my pluralization of anonymouses)”.
“Well, whatever you do, do not write about OTG. I don’t think I can handle it.”
“OK. Fine. But waddya got? Ya want me to do a mystery involving murders committed at bookclubs? Quilting during the apocalypse? Pregnant orphaned lepers living in culverts in Bangladesh fighting back at sexist factory owners?” (Chick-lit is full of that kind of stuff).
“You don’t know enough about quilting. So, no! Not that.”
“OK. That leaves culverts, lepers, the apocalypse and Calcutta. Is that what you are suggesting?”
“Well, I kinda like an apocalypse in Mexico plot where we are trapped in a resort in Puerto Vallarta with our dogs and have to scramble our way back home. Has to be a comedy, of course. Make one of the dogs pregnant if you want.”
“One of the dogs? Shouldn’t the pregnant one be a given? And I am not so sure that an escaping elderly couple in Mexico with dogs during the apocalypse is the best foundation for humour. You thinkin’ zombies, too?”
“No. Of course not. Now you are just being silly.”
“Right. Of course. I am just being silly. But I am also being sincere. I really do not know what to write about next. I really think I am onto something with this ‘Old people OTG-thing. I think it resonates. I think I should do OTGll – The geriatric years.”
“Well, I am not keen on reading more about your ineptness and accidents. It’s bad enough living with it. Have you considered writing a cook book?”
It is clear I have to seek outside advice from people sane and grounded. Do any of you know someone?