It is a time for me to NOT write. Time to take a break.
It is not so much that I do not have a never-ending amount of crap to spew so much as it is my current understanding, timing and focus on said crap. The timing/focus is off. The timing/focus is weird. The timing/focus is so damn weird that writing about anything right now is a bit like ‘spitting into the wind’ or yelling at an inanimate object or trying to solve a Rubik’s cube. It just feels pointless and weirdly misdirected. It is like the timing/focus is so off, the stars won’t align, the rhythms are off, I do not know what I am looking at anymore. I am getting bad or at least confusing vibes about ‘now’. I can’t seem to find ‘now’. My thinking process can’t get no, no, no, no traction (to be read to the tune of the Stones’ Can’t Get No Satisfaction)
Put another way: I write from what I am immediately feeling/thinking/experiencing and, to be blunt, that immediacy gives me focus and topic. But right now, there is no sense of focus, no sense of ‘what’s happening’. I gots no ‘now’. Immediacy is gone and confusion has stepped in. It all feels way more confusing than ever before by a huge margin. If I am honest and write what I am feeling, I have to now write about being confused.
I.e. Governments are applying ‘stimulus’ as if they have nothing but money to throw at problems. How is that possible – they cry ‘no money’ 99% of the time? Black Lives Matters protests have been categorized as riots – they are not – the riots are a separate group and it is painfully obvious but never reported. The president gets Covid. Russia is shipping vaccines. China is using vaccines. Canada is going the way of a second wave of pandemic. Britain is being crushed by the virus. The Arctic had forest fires. California now burns every year. South America is coming undone. Our otherwise sane provincial government called an election during the pandemic unnecessarily. Schools keep opening. Schools keep closing. Businesses are doing the same flip flop. The White Supremacists /Proud Boys are on a recruitment kick and it is proving successful. The cost of living is rising and yet the government says it is not (that is not new, tho). People are happier NOT going to work except for small business owners who want everything ‘opened up’.
Nothing on that short-list is news. I admit that. But – taken together with other manifestations of madness – it is confusing, disconnected, uncoordinated and it has to be a sign of gross mismanagement – but everywhere? At the very least, it is a lot more stuff than we normally have to process at any one time. In the year 2020, when little got done, so many people feel overwhelmed. Cognitive dissonance meets a world gone mad.
“Dave, you are always opinionated, if nothing else!”
I know. I know. But when I cannot get dogmatic and rant for 750 words on a blog because I have no focus, it is time to step back and try to get some perspective. Normally, I would run to the front of the stage and yell instructions/opinions/directions (if Sal said it was OK) but, right now, I just want to leave the area and go home and wait it out (and you know how far away I am already!). It is as if I am feeling a ‘winter’ coming on. My strongest feeling right now is ‘back off’ and ‘wait it out’.
Irony of confusion – am I waiting for the US election? Or a normal or different winter to set in? Am I waiting for Covid to sort out? Or my engine parts to arrive? Am I waiting to make plans or are plans pointless right now? I feel as if I am waiting for good to triumph over evil but that also seems like a weird thing to wait for.
So, there you have it. I am ‘off-line’ for awhile. At least a week. Maybe til November 4. Who knows?