It’s weird, but my thoughts, dreams and interests are shrinking, narrowing, even disappearing in a few instances. It could just be age; could come from living OTG, or it could just be the times they are so madly a-changing. Bottom line: I am also changing.
Where once I was interested in everything everywhere, I am now interested in little except learning stuff, ‘my’ people and what is around me out here. Ravens and whales, cod and oysters, logs roaming freely and good ol’ Sal. Lately, it has even included mushroom cultivation, fer Gawd’s sake! In effect, I have been more dislodged from my head and forced to live and think more in the moment. It was a slow progression. And it has taken awhile.
Readers might think that I may be forgetting about all the goofy-politics I write about but really? Believe it or not, this is a severely reduced level of my previous interest in politics by at least 75%. Trump, of course, is so outrageous that I am still interested in him (sociologically and psychologically) but more for the incredible level of madness and dysfunction he creates in the world rather than any one political policy…..and, anyway, I have studiously avoided the T-word for some time now. He’s bad for my ‘chi’.
I am not really interested in prices, making a buck or ‘getting ahead’ at all either (get ahead of what?). I am not interested in fashion or trendy things. I have almost stopped dreaming about boats (keyword: almost). I have even felt the waning of my previously strong wanderlust. Travel is no longer a strong draw (mind you, January and February weather is still a very strong repellent so the end result might look much the same).
Living OTG has really changed me. I do less but still feel busy…..well, busy enough anyway. I think more and yet worry less. I love Sal more and more but also see fewer others and don’t miss ’em as much (a bit) except for Leo and Eli, my grandkids. And I personally hate routine just naturally but I am in a very nice routine now and it is surprisingly good. Seriously, I am different.
I’d like to think it has changed me for the better but that’s a subjective call and I, personally, do not think the differences, while significant to me, makes this new Dave better or worse than the previous Dave. Just different. Mind you, Sal is getting more and more reluctant to take me out in public so that suggests something…..
Sal may have an opinion on all this, too, but I am not gonna ask and invite that cat out of the bag. I have not changed so much as to become stupid!
I still get my dander up over government stupidity, my own inadequacies and the direction in which we are headed as a planet but all those are issues way too large for me to address effectively, especially my own inadequacies (Sal’s on it, tho, still working for change). It just may be time for me to ride the horse in the direction in which it is going. Go with the flow, kinda-thing. Resistance is futile. However, this current horse is deaf, dumb and blind and headed for an exterminating cliff-plunge so I am glad I am not fully committed to passively being on it’s back with the rest of the hoi polloi. Or so laid back that rigor mortis is the next inevitable stage of modern-living sloth. I do not want to go easily, ya know? I am keeping some resiliency in reserve – just in case. First step (for me) in resiliency was to go OTG. Second step was to learn like hell. I am still at stage two.
Probably the biggest change is my point of view. I have always looked outwards (mirrors are always a nasty surprise for guys like me). I always lived in the future. I always had goals I was pursuing. ‘Here’ and ‘now’ always needed improving. But, these days, here and now is pretty damn good most of the time – if not all the time.
I might, just maybe, be content…..?
My window of ambition is, obviously, a function of energy, time and opportunity all of which are now greatly reduced to ‘low’, ‘short’ and ‘few’ respectively. Thus, my ambitions are lower, too. I now look forward to mostly dinner, scotch and a cheap B movie where all the cars blow up.
No! That does not mean I have one-foot-in-the-grave but it has led to me having more feet in the garden. So, that is a notable step in the direction of becoming loam and composting, I suppose. I am standing on the banks of the River Styx. It’s a slippery slope, gardening is……next thing you know, you are really into the soil…..six feet under.