The age of ambivalence


Woofer’s left a few days ago.  May come back.  Son got home after circling the globe and having a great time doing it.  Daughter calls from HK all the time.  Logs are slowly coming up the hill.  I have come to terms with my chainsaw.  All is right in my world.

‘Cept the boat thing…………………sheesh!  I am having trouble making decisions on that.  I am not so sure why.  Maybe it is an age thing.  Maybe it is a financial thing.  But I think it is a lack-of-passion thing.  Ambivalence.  I get ‘excited’ about a boat now and then but it seems to elude my grasp one way or the other.

Maybe it is rejection I am suffering from?  (Nah.  I am used to that.)

Boats are supposed to turn you on, create a buzz, make you want ém.  They are seductive by design and in their very nature.  They don’t call boats ‘she’ for nothing. We guys fall hard when we fall and many fall many times.  I am barely tilting these days. I dunno what has happened to me.

Where have all my marine hormones gone?

A neighbour friend of mine who is a marine maestro with fibreglass and is very knowlegeable about my particular boat has offered to help me ‘make it better’.  We can rebuild it.  I may just do that.  Fix it instead of replace it.  Trouble is, not a great deal of passion is generated by that option, either.

I was lookin’ for the buzz, ya know?

But maybe this is one of those things that just needs to be rationalized philosophically.  You know, if you can’t get what you want, make up a good reason for the disappointment?  Rationalization:  anesthetic for the soul.  So, maybe I wasn’t meant to get one just now?  Or maybe this is a good lesson for me?  Or, how about: the right boat just hasn’t come along yet?  Whatever……….

“Plenty of boats in the sea?”

I admit to recalling the old rock and roll lyrics:  If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with!  (Crosby Stills and Nash).

Maybe I am already happy?

I suppose I could use: this is a great opportunity to learn good fibreglassing from my neighbour…..?  But, really, I have already learned that fibreglassing is a horrible chore.  Why would I want to get good at that?  I am already planning on getting him started and then going to make him tea or get him a sandwich or something. Fibreglassing?  Yuck.

I am not quite being completely honest with you.  I still do have some passion for boats.  I really do.  But it has changed in some hard-to-determine way.  Now the passion seems to be for the theory rather than the actual physical boat. I look longingly at long boats.  I swoon over schooners.  Aluminum is alluring.  I wanna shower with a power cat!.  But, it is not the same as actually wanting to own one.  Not really.  I think – maybe – I am just lookin’.  Flirting, as it were.  No intention of following through………?

It must be an age thing.




2 thoughts on “The age of ambivalence

  1. What floats your boat these days? Strikes me you may have a dose of seen-it-all-before-ites. As you know everything old is new again. Are you thinking of a red forty-two footer with some wind in your sales? Nothing like the Dog Watch to concentrate your mind. Four bells and all is well.


  2. No………I don’t think so. It’s all very nice and all, but………as you say, been there, done that. No, a boat for me now is just transportation, I guess. I’d like to have a ‘buzz’ but I don’t. Just transportation. It really is an age thing.


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