There but for the letter ‘E’

We haven’t been able to get off our butts much these past few days.  The weather has been wet and uninviting – but that isn’t it.  Not really.  We just don’t have the juice right now.  We are a smidge sluggish.   I just don’t wanna go do, ya know?  I dunno………….the idea of a nap keeps cropping up for me.

Which is just fine.

Sal never stops but she slows down and she is in a bit of a slow mode now, too.  Mind you, everything will still get done but ten little ‘side-jobs’ probably won’t.  Not today.

This is not an unusual state for me.  It is for Sal.  She’s not yet used to just sitting.  I am.  I like to sit and stare at the sea and just think every once in awhile.  Thinking, for me, is a treat, an indulgence.  For years I just seemed to have seconds to think something out, much of the time reacting to the moment, the stimuli of the city, my work, my family, driving, TV and the like.

Any empty spaces were filled with catch-up phone calls, checking schedules, finishing half-done chores, side jobs, etc.  There were no truly empty spaces.

Pausing to think, reflect, ponder, contemplate was simply a luxury I never seemed to have time for.  Now I do.  A woman’s work is never done, they say, but Sal is catching me up in the slowing down department.  Ironically, it takes a while to slow down.

I, however, can lay on the bed and just day-dream for an hour now and enjoy the whole process immensely.  I often use that kind of time to plan out a building project in detail in my head. Then, when the time comes to get to it, the work just seems to flow.  It is a nice way to get things done. Feels right.

But I was stunned to discover this ‘weird way of being’.  It was about four years ago just as we were slowing down from having built the house.  We had tons of projects still to do but the ‘big push’ was over and, amazingly, we could start to work at a more relaxed pace.  That meant not rushing, not working as fast as we could, not thinking-and-working at the same time.  For the first time in my adult life – it seemed – I had real down time.  Real time.  Real time NOT already spoken for in some way.

It was amazing.

Still is.

Highly recommended as well, by the way.  But this ‘head space’ is not something you can achieve by simply having a vacation, taking time off or interrupting a normally stressful life.  I should know.  I tried.

Stressful or just plain rapid-living is like a heavy fly-wheel.  You may stop the engine but the flywheel keeps going and you just can’t really slow down.  Not right away.  You might get a rest but ‘slowing down’ and reflecting, contemplating and pondering – well, they don’t come easily to a usually-stressed mind.

Honestly?  I don’t think I achieved even a partial mind-state of ‘nothing’ until the second year of having actually slowed down.  And I am still not there.  Not fully.  But mostly.  Hard to explain without sounding all Maharajah guru on ya.

The point: peace is a state of mind.  And pace is a major influence in it.  The words are similar because they are.   The city has pace.  The country does not.  It has seasons.  We have managed to achieve some peace by reducing our pace.  And it is almost seasonal in it’s rhythm.  It’s a good thing and something not really understood until you get some of it.




2 thoughts on “There but for the letter ‘E’

  1. Ooh, that’s why I’m easy
    I’m easy like Sunday morning…”

    Glad to hear that you are having more Lionel moments and fewer times wound tighter than a two dollar watch.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.