Sal went to electoral procedure class yesterday in town so that she can ‘work’ the coming election. I was busy buying hardware and second hand doors. After shopping, I went to get her. While I was waiting the women at the front desk were receiving the public and the public were voting. Not revolting as usual but, in this case, voting.
“Is this some kind of advance poll?” I asked.
“Yes. There are only two of these advanced voting stations in the province. The other is in Port McNeil. BC is the only province that has advanced-advance polls. They are because so many men are going North and staying in camps, this gives them a chance to vote.”
I noted that the people I had seen so far vote were all very elderly, hardly the types to go north to work in camps. “Well, that’s because the senior’s centre is just around the corner and they like to have a little outing.”
“Am I allowed to vote, too? I am a senior. I like outings.”
“Of course, dear. Show me the right ID and you can vote, too”. Her voice had changed so as to accommodate my newly recognized senior senile status. And she gave me a fake smile as a bonus.
The reason I chose to vote early is because Sal is going to be an electoral officer and, in anticipation of that I had asked her, “When you are behind the desk and I show up, surely you are not going to ask for my ID. You’ll just give me the ballot, right?”
“No way. You have to show me the proper ID or you don’t get to vote!”
“But, but, but Sal!! We’ve been together for forty four years. You know me. You do not have to see my ID. You know who I am! What the hell!?”
“Sorry. Rules are rules. No ID, no ballot. Don’t try to cause trouble, now.”
“OK. That’s it! That is now the craziest thing you have ever said and, believe me, there are a lot of them from which to choose. But this takes the cake! Imagine demanding ID from your own husband! I am going to show up without ID. I promise. And then you’ll see trouble!”
After that conversation, Sal had sneaked my ID into her purse so that she could pull it out on the 14th when I showed up without any. She was going to provide me with ID whether I wanted it or not.
I share this with you all because I love Sal and we are pretty close. But she is as mad a hatter and you have to know that. You know, in case I snap one day? I may need character references. GOOD character references. I have plenty of the other kind already.
But I knew that she had secreted my ID away. I knew she was going to go all bureaucratic on me when I showed up without ID. She was prepared for me and my idiosyncratic ways. I knew that I was gonna get processed properly. And it rankled me. GAWD! Being married for almost half a century should count for something, don’t you think? Shouldn’t I get a pass on the ID check? From my own wife!?
So, when the chance came to by-pass that little fiasco-in-the-making, I took it. I voted in the advance-advance poll while she was learning how to vet out potential impostors such as me.
Yes, I know that I had to show the smiling woman at the desk my ID. Don’t bug me!
And you thought our relationship was simple.