Slippery slope

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Wrote a blog entry yesterday but WordPress (the host) ‘zapped’ a glitch or something and it went into ether-space.  Gone.

Tried my new NetFlix connection last night but the download kept ‘freezing up’.  Couldn’t watch Thor.

Read a column by a guy who thinks outside the box and makes good arguments for why all the techie experts on OTG (solar, etc) power are wrong.  I think he is right.

Sheesh, you would think that with all the modern progress and all, we would be past this kinda stuff, wouldn’t you?  I mean, really?  Blogs shouldn’t disappear. NetFlix should work, and batteries and charging them………that should be old hat, well-established procedure.  Right?

Well, you may as well face the truth, butterfly……….a lot of this modern convenience stuff is still a crapshoot if not just plain old crap.  Machines break and electronically digital machines seem to break more often than steam engines ever did.  It is a bloody marvel when they work.

And sometimes I have to wonder what they are working at?  Mass drivel distribution?  Monumental non-news nonsense?  What could possibly require a smartphone-in-your-face all day long?  Gotta tweet or die?  And to whom are they sending that mind-numbing tweeting drivel…some vocabulary-starved, spelling-challenged, TV-watching doofus just learning to sext?

“Dave………..?  You are…..ranting…………chill, man………….” 

Right.  Sorry.   I could be losing it a bit.  Sal is gone.  Went to a wedding up the coast.  Been gone a couple of days now.  My perspective on things is deteriorating.  She knew it would.  “Tell them about the time you were naked on a bucket…..that’ll help.  Not them but maybe you!”

It was when we were building.  I was alone.  Sal was back in the city.  It was really hot and I tend not to be aware of taking care of myself.  I forget to drink and eat and that sort of thing.  By the time I took my first break, I was pretty goofy.  I ate a banana and drank a coke and felt better enough to go back to work.  A few hours later I was pretty crazy.  Really crazy.  I staggered back into the shed and sat for awhile thinking I should drink something and eat something.  So, I took another banana and had another coke.  Felt good enough to go back outside to work.

That’s when things started to get a little fuzzy………….

Late in the day I decided that bananas and coke weren’t quite right for me.  By then I was naked.  It was hot!  I was working out on the deck starkers and things were starting to get red.  I really need to get out of the sun.  So I went in and sat on a bucket.  I thought I should cook something and the Coleman was just at head height so I turned it on and reached into the cooler for something to cook.  I found eggs, onions and small tomatoes.  Seemed like an omelette just asking for it, you know?

But I didn’t want to get up.  And cleaning stuff first seemed silly at the time.  So I just cracked the eggs and threw the rest in whole and didn’t even get up to look.  I figured if it burned a little it would still be fine.  And really?  Stirring?  Needed or not?  And so it cooked.  And it did burn a little.  So what?  I was burned more than a little myself.

When it was done enough that I could smell it burning, I got up and dumped the contents on a plate – like any civilized man would.  It was then I discovered that the frying pan hadn’t been cleaned from the day before and it was quite full of lamb chop grease.  So I was looking at lamb-grease covered burnt eggs with tomatoes and onions in a pile on the side.

With a coke, it wasn’t all bad!

But clearly I was a little off my head so I slipped into the orange inflatable and headed ’round the corner to the beach in the cove.  I need to cool off but where I was was freezing.  The water is warmer in the bay.  When I got to the beach, I slipped over the side.  I was still naked so there was no pre-dipping ritual needed.  But I should have looked where I was dipping.  Seems the oysters were breeding and the bay had a thick skim of oyster spat floating on the top like cream on the top of a milk bottle.  Or, for those of you more literally minded, like a tanker spill of ejaculate.  I was aslop in oyster cum!

Try getting back into an inflatable boat covered in that kinda slime………..NOT easy………….

But I was cooler.  No saner, mind you, but cooler.  Sanity would come after I got back to the work site.  I hoped.  As I headed back to the site naked in an orange boat covered in oyster slime, I wondered…………‘would I see a new neighbour….?

‘Should I seek help?’

‘Why am I naked?’

The answer dawned on me:  I should simply not be left alone for any length of time.  It is not safe.  Not for anybody.    And I have tried to convince Sally of that but sadly, the main argument for that conclusion only makes her want to leave me all the more.

And now she is gone.  And things are deteriorating fast.

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