So, once again I am causing trouble…..

I am one of those people who cause trouble.  Not real trouble, of course (although that, too, has happened) but ‘step-on-toes’ kinda trouble.  Hurt feelings.  Insensitive remarks.  Opinions.  Values.  Judgements.  I am, what is euphemistically described as, situationally incorrect….most of the time.  Or, more succinctly: obnoxious.  I can’t help it.  I trust too much.

You see, I also like people and I crack good jokes for them and for me to enjoy.  I doReally.  So the people I am with laugh and then I relax and then I innocently trust them to interpret my further remarks in my favour.  You know…benefit of the doubt…kinda thing?  Of course I know that a leper joke may fall on a victim’s ears and NOT be funny (to them) but I trust that they will see the humour first and the revulsion and dread as just normal.  And not really personal.

OK, maybe I should have noticed the stubs……but………honestly, unknot the knickers, folks! 

That kind of mentally healthy, humour acceptance rarely happens these days and I find myself having to apologize to some goofball who has sent money to lepers in Madagascar just because I made jokes about finding fingers in my soup.  I mean, really?!  Should I have to apologize for a leprous finger in my soup?

And I express opinions.  I was in the West Vancouver Library today and they are going all free-enterprise on the citizenry and part of that is selling books that don’t get read.  Like a discount bin.  Of course, the two books on the discount bin that caught my attention were biographies of Stephen Harper ($3.00, hard cover) and Brian Mulroney ($4.00, hard cover).  I honestly believe the hard-to-pass BM tomb (and I mean that) book went for more because it was, naturally enough, more long-winded.  It was thicker, duller, more pompous and yet a still competitively horrible read.

“You guys will never sell these books, ya know…?  If I had a working fireplace and you paid me the posted price instead of me paying you, I would warm myself with burning them but, other than that, they have no value.  Seriously, librarian-dudettes, presto-logs are more marketable.  Who does your inventory?”

A volunteer in the back cracked up but the two ‘pinched’ librarians just looked at me like I was specimen-in-a-jar.

I dunno…….maybe I should just shut up.  Who wants to hear at an auto parts counter that they should NOT have a 20 minute wait and a ‘take-a-number’ system going on…complete with the well-timed and colourful sarcastic remarks….?  Well, Lordco Northshore doesn’t like to hear it, that’s for sure.  Pussies!

Could it be me?

Maybe.

Will I change?

I doubt it. 

Maybe I should just go back to the forest where I belong.

I think so.

5 thoughts on “So, once again I am causing trouble…..

  1. The two books in the discount bin make a statement that is hard to miss. Currently some effort is being made to rehabilitate Brian Mulroney. According to a recent newspaper story Canada would be much more economically depressed if it were not for NAFTA. Tell that to our shrinking middle class. Stephen Harper as head of the National Citizens’ Coalition, called Canada a “third-rate socialist country.” Prime Ministers Harper and Mulroney standing on guard for Canadian values. As for the writer of this blog your mistake was standing on you testosterone driven hind legs and daring to have an opinion of any kind about anything. It was not what was in the bin it was your temerity that drew their gaze.

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  2. And talked like Shrek too! I’m sure you have noticed the Disney/NDP version of manhood. Prince on a horse, or one of the seven dwarfs aka Sleepy, Dopey, Sleazy, or a donkey who fathered a litter dronkeys( no lie) and is Shrek’s best friend, or a Puss in Boots(no mistaking Puss’ pusillanimous quakings). Those old birds had you pegged from the get go “That’s a man and he is speaking without being asked!”

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    • I think they were just wondering why a short lumberjack was in the library. One thing I have noticed, tho, is that speaking good English seems to surprise them. And if you use a few infrequently-spoken words, it is like weaving a spell on them. “No, I can’t remember the title…it was distinctly melodic, almost onomatopoeic.”….and they practically swoon!

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