Coming of Age

I hit a chronological milestone today.  Prompted a small attitudinal shift.  I might dye my hair, punk it up and make my teeth so white I can blind people.  It’s all the rage, it seems.  But first….

“I’ll take smartphones for $200, Ken!” 

……..learning is what it is all about.  Really.  For me, anyway.  Getting out to the forest and learning how to build and garden and fix things (and heal trauma) is a treat I enjoy it.  I hope to be adequate at some of those things some day.  I aspire only to mediocrity.  If I can increase our independence, our self-sufficiency some day, that would be HUGE.

Aim high!  I say.

So, then I come to the city and start grousing about it.  That is not cool.  The fact is, I should be rejoicing in the re-learning of the urban life experience.  Whoopee!  It is once again, a challenge.  I am striving for basic functionality and aspiring to madding mediocrity all over again.

So, I got a smartphone.

It’s a start.

Oh God!  Oh Science!  Whatever.  If I thought learning to sharpen, tune and wield a chainsaw was tough, you can imagine my trepidation at mastering a smart phone.  Seriously, Dude, they didn’t have smartphones when I went feral ten years ago.  I am definitely over my head.  E-impotence, here I come.  My antennae is flaccid.  I just don’t have the same desire for smartphones.  It’s an age thing.  But, I’ll give it a shot.

Hmmmm….I have a smart TV…..maybe it can teach my phone…? 

If you can master the damn thing, it is amazing.  I admit that freely.  Mind you, I don’t know anyone who can play the smartphone fluently.  Not by half.  Apparently, it is like learning a second language.  Like Klingon.  Static Klingon, to be more precise.  You might get the basics down pat but it is always a second language and you are always mostly unintelligible to the young and hip.

Actually, we are all but invisible to the young and hip.

Young people learn second languages faster than old people.  And they also talk in a new, hipper, faster version (2.0) of English now that I think about it.  Some kinda jargon-esque mix between English, computer-ese, techie but with a liberal sprinkling of gratuitous expletives everywhere.  All the time.  And all done seemingly naturally and absent any actual knowledge-of-anything whatsoever!  Quite fascinating.

Apparently they can sext! 

I have older friends with smartphones who say, “Oh, yeah, it’s great.  My grandkids can do wonders with the damn things.  I just use it as a telephone, myself.  Really, I don’t need one of these Gooseberries, but I do like the XYZ app.  Lets me compare prices of produce between the chain stores, ya know?  Best Broccoli prices are Save-On!”

That is not even a mediocre level of competence.  I have to do better than that.  Hopefully.

We’ll see.





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