The house we are at has pallets of granite to get rid of. I said that I’d be here on the weekends and I’d try to sell it.
Ever tried to sell granite? Like, stones as big as your head? Trust me, it is not an easy sell.
First off, people will look at the stones as if they may be some kind of fake Styrofoam rocks or something. They look at you as if to say, “These real granite?”
“Gawd! You caught me out! I am so ashamed. They are really just some kind of faux, felsic, igneous rock we picked up out of the ground. Put ’em on pallets as a kind of merchandising gimmick. Cheap knock-offs, probably. Chinese-made imports maybe. Honestly, I think they are a bit shy on the mica and quartz component. I am so embarrassed. Give you 20% off?”
“Huh? So, they are real granite…?”
So I pick one up. Pieces are typically about 90 to 100 pounds. I hand it to the doofus. They struggle for a sec and then drop it back on the pile. And I say, “Hey! Ya break it, ya bought it! Ha ha! Pretty close to the real thing, eh?”
Even tho the price for the pallet of rocks is on the Craigslist ad, they always say, “So, how much do you want?”
“Each rock is $10.00. Each pallet is $400. Take ten pallets and the price drops to $300. Take ’em all and you are lookin’ at $250 a pallet.”
“So, how about that twenty percent off?”
“OK. Fine. Everything I just said less 20%. How many pallets ya want?”
“I gotta think about it”.
As if a few tons of rock is an impulse purchase and he doesn’t want to get carried away in the moment!
Barely suppressing a rising anger, I say, “Good idea. Talk it over with the wife. Get back to me. Ya never know…it might be the wrong colour. These are grey. Wanna take a sample rock? See if she likes it?”
I pick up a small piece. My face is stern and getting a bit red. I hold the rock over my head like I am gonna beat him with it. He backs away. “So, punk! What’s it gonna be? You wanna rock or just waste my time!” He turns to run…..
I’ve delegated the selling of granite to Sal.