Ghost writing

I wrote a blog a while back.  I liked it. Sal didn’t.  “You can’t say this!”

“Why not?  No names.  Nothing bad.  Hell, I even made one guy sound great when, in fact, all he really did was just stand there.”

“No.  Too soon.  Too raw.”

“Raw?  This ain’t Pulp Fiction, Sal.  It’s rural crap.  It’s basically just what happened.  How can you veto the truth?  You working for the government now?”

“Nope.  Can’t do it.  Just can’t.  Someone might get upset.”

“Well, I’m upset.  So, you are right about that.  But, just so you know, you aren’t the boss of me.  I can publish what I want.  So, nyah, nyah.”

“Fine.  Go ahead.  But you  asked.  And I answered.  And that’s what you get when you ask.  You get my answer.  And my answer is, ‘don’t publish that!'”

“Well, thanks for the input.  Which I will ignore.  I will probably publish it because I want to.  And it will be just fine.  And, for the record, you are a nut.  No one reads the blog anyway except Margy and Derek.  Sometimes, Sid.  They sure as hell won’t be upset.”

“You know what I mean.”

So, like a flaccid doormat made from pussy fur…….I didn’t publish it.

Hey!  I’m not myself right now.  I’m ill.

She is NOT the boss of me but, well, who needs the extra grief, ya know?  I mean, remember, I got Shingles.  I don’t need more aggravation in my life.  Ya know what I am sayin’?

But, seriously….she is not the boss of me.  An influence, maybe.  OK, an influence to be sure. OK, even a bull-headed, dominatrix-type strong influence.  Scary, too.  But she is NOT the boss of me.

Officially?  I just chose not to publish it.

This time.

Maybe tomorrow.  Or someday.  Maybe.

Don’t bug me.

Susan Juby’s Republic of Dirt won the 2016 Stephen Leacock award for humour.  She deserved it.  It is good.  I was not going to read it, out of spite and jealousy, but I had to know.  I am glad I read it.  R of D is good.  It is funny.  And it is well written.

Which is also kinda irritating.  Juby writes about stuff I was writing about.  We’re off the grid on a piece of granite and she is off on a hardscrabble farm.  Not the same but similar in many ways.

Worse, she used a style that I was going to use in our second book.  Kind of a dialogue. Sal would talk and then I would talk and the story would get told by two different ‘voices’ on things.  In that way, readers would get to know Sal more (she was more popular in the first book anyway and, generally speaking, in all aspects of our social life.  It just made sense to give her more ‘stage’ time).  But Juby did that with four characters.

So…..bloody hell!

To be fair, our dialogue wasn’t working anyway.  Sal talks less than I do.  My chapter would go on for ten pages and then Sal’s chapter would be three paragraphs.

“Sal, you can’t just write a one hundred word ‘take’ on what I took ten pages to write.”

“Why not?  You already said it.  If I say it again, it is just repetition.”

“Not if it is in your own voice.”

“That was my own voice.”

“Maybe.  But there just wasn’t enough of it to know.  Normally, you have tons to say.  That was three paragraphs.  Come on, try writing more…”

And so she did and she wrote five or so pages.  But when it was complete, it was not her voice.  It sounded familiar but it was not hers.

“What?  This doesn’t sound like you.  This sounds…..kinda like…..well, you are kinda writing like me!”

“I know.  I hate that.  I have been editing you so long now that my voice automatically turns out sounding like yours.  It’s sick.”

“Calm down.  Maybe my voice isn’t me either.  Maybe the voice I think I have is a Sally-edited version of me and you are really the one speaking…?”

“No way.  I wouldn’t say all the crap you say.”

“Hmmmmm………that’s true.  So, who is writing this stuff?”

7 thoughts on “Ghost writing

  1. Now I feel bad. Haven’t been in town enough to write many blog posts much less read any from my friends. We were supposed to go out on the chuck today for a few nights on the hook, but chicken me saw the wavelets and heard the wind blowing. We are holed up in town so have a bit more time to spare for the Internet. Wayne has been on me to finish editing his latest book on quad riding using our barge. Can’t seem to get into it but I did drag it along to take with us if we ever get out there for a restful few days in the boat. – Margy


    • I’ll take guilt. Empathy and understanding was my goal but I’m good with guilt. Now, if only DC or Sid would weigh in…..

      PS: does Wayne really think he is doing the writing?


      • Of course he does. I think the final versions are a blend of both our voices. When I write my book, and if he agrees to edit for me (not a given), then maybe mine will become a blend as well. But maybe that isn’t a bad thing.


  2. Lots of people want to read the work that must not see wider distribution. Just to put the record straight tons of people read your blog but never comment. Publish it and let the chips fall where it may.


    • Oh, I will. I’ll just let the pot simmer. I’ll give it a bit of time. Anyway, I just have the first dropped shoe so far. May as well wait for the other.


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