Good on ya, mate!

Not to make too big a deal about it but it is kinda weird….we have so much room out here between people and there is so much tolerance for eccentricity, that what occurred recently is pretty rare.  NOT without precedent, mind you, but definitely uncommon.

Someone made a complaint the other day to the authorities about a distant neighbour.  It wasn’t personal. Not really.  It was an act of civic duty.  A bit reactive, perhaps, but not entirely without reason.

The complaint must of had enough descriptive language attached, I guess, that the government decided to send in armed thugs by way of a helicopter.  Mind you, previously submitted complaints only resulted in hapless cops arriving in boats and standing around. So, this was an improvement, I suppose.  Movie-script-wise.

The chopper landed far enough away from the ‘crime scene’ that the two lead SWAT-types had to cover some considerably rough ground as they rapidly approached the targeted area through the forest on foot.  The alleged ‘perp’ was not home but his immediate neighbour was.  So, our government guys, Bruce and Willis, snuk up on him instead. (“Well, we have come all this way.”)

In a bizarre circumstance of timing, the second neighbour was out in his yard naked.

Such gamboling au naturel is not unusual out here and it is the main reason people are most often hailed by visitors from a hundred yards away on approach.  We expect different out here.  And we expect different to be occasionally unclad.  The authorities did not.  Nor did they announce their arrival in any way.  They just popped up out of nowhere.

It was a surprise of the worst kind.  No cake.

Neighbour #2 was more than just a bit shocked.  And, so were Bruce and Willis (I can imagine the PTSD claims now). Unfortunately for the SWAT team, neighbour #2 is male. He is also bigger than the two SWAT team members by a considerable margin.  So, of course, they remained in armed ‘attack’ positions (guns holstered, tho) while neighbour #2 tried to get his heart started again and, presumably, adopt the modest, two-hands-over position while looming darkly over two uniformed idjuts.  A few words were exchanged with a third bureaucratic-type and tensions eventually subsided. After awhile our flak-jacketed fools and their intrepid leader left neighbour #2 alone to reassess his life and reevaluate his dress code.

“So, what was the big deal?”

We have a bona fide, ten-out-of-ten whack-job out here, occasionally threatening folks, but who is currently more of a threat to himself than anyone else. He and his living space are a disaster waiting to happen in some way like spontaneous conflagration, plague, infestation or all three. Maybe more. Plus the adjacent sinking dock and disintegrating outbuildings are becoming an unholy garbage-mess of biblical proportions, a public danger to the unwitting and a hazard to navigation.  The authorities should act.  I am glad they did.

But, really? Helicopters and guns and flak jackets?

Two nurse Ratched-types could have handled the problem quite easily.  Thin hard lips, a clip-board, sensible shoes and a cattle-prod at the very most and the problem soon becomes part of local history.  If they follow that up with a heavy regime of sanitarium-type meds dispensed from some type of sanitarium, he’s handled.

The derelict docks and wharf will still need addressing, tho.

They’ll eventually get to it all.  Mr. Whacked will be tagged, bagged and medicated.  And relocated, hopefully.  The mess will all get ‘taken away’ at great expense to the taxpayer. And bureaucrats will continue to collect their monthly stipend.  It will take great gobs of time and countless thousands of dollars to ‘make it happen’ but the bureaucrats now have a bone (read: ‘client’) in their teeth and they are not letting it go – too good for business.

Can you imagine the cost of the helicopter, cops and lead-bureaucrat?  And that is just the smallest part of this slowly unfolding debacle.  By the time this asinine soap opera plays out, what with lawyers and all……..counting salaries……?  Probably $500,000.

If there is a counter-madness to it all it is that these same ‘civil authorities’ will ignore the mess and danger while they go through ‘due process’ (read: paperwork) dismissing any infrequent or accidental incursions of common sense into their slack efforts for as long as they can. So, it will drag out and the nut job, his mess and the danger to the public will persist and increase until some point of brinksmanship has been reached.

Canadian job creation at it’s best.

I, for one, applaud my neighbour #2 for maintaining his composure at the same time as our reputation out here.  In a single moment of self-exposure, he re-affirmed not only the general impression the outside world has of our area, he reinforced it.  They came for nut-job #1, met naked neighbour #2 in all his glory and then went off to file a report.

For the flak-jackets, the report writes itself.  With luck, our island will be designated at least Mar-Sec 1.

And neighbour #2 held up his end of things, if you’ll pardon the phrase.

Good on ya, #2!


9 thoughts on “Good on ya, mate!

  1. O…M…G !
    I almost snorted a beer out my nose when I reached the “au natural” part. Classic. At least he didnt have his “gun” pointing at anything.
    I think the Van City cops must be on a tighter budget. I had a visit from them a few years ago to query about a whacko neighbor who had been sending thinly veiled threats to politicians south of the 49th if you catch my drift.
    Anywho. They asked ME to go over and check out his place ie layout, firearms lying about, other people, etc…..So I took a coupla beers and told them I might be a while and off I went.
    Came back a half hour later… one else there, no firearms in sight, he’s in his undies and falling asleep watching Oprah! Totally harmless. Have at er fellas. They went over and politely knocked on his door. Spoke with him for a few minutes. Turns out an ex roomate who had been booted for non payment of rent was the alleged culprit of the looney emails… off they went to the forwarded address via Canada Post…
    I kinda wonder if the police used it as an excuse for a helicopter ride……..


    • Probably. They LOVE that stuff. Everyone in uniform wants to be Bruce Willis rolling out of a hovering chopper in slo mo guns a blazin’. I’d even be up for a bit of that myself. But, really………….?
      There are some bad guys and there are some guns……..I know that…….but, really……every poor Tom and his hairy dick is a ‘threat’? (That was a word-play on Tom, Dick and Harry in case it was too obtuse).
      I don’t think so. A troop of girl scouts can handle any of the guys out here.


      • True, ( and yes I caught the “Tom’s, Harry, Dick reference…not bad reminds me of the time years ago I went to the Mens dept at the Bay and asked for some help to find a particular item…..they started paging for “Harry Wang! Would Harry Wang please go to the Mens Dept!” No I’m NOT Kidding! Wish I was…..).
        I think most govt employees( police SWAT included) are constantly looking for reasons to justify their existence.
        That being said, just glad they didnt shoot anyone a la the U.S. of A……


  2. Police scanner reported a call to the corner of Cambie and Water streets in Gastown, to see a crying man with his drawers to his ankles. The mean streets eh!


    • Probably a taxpayer who just recieved an audit from CRA.
      He removed the wrong article of clothing….their wanted the shirt off his back.


  3. William Blake, of “Tyger, Tyger burning bright in the forests of the night…” fame walked nude for purity reasons. Blake thought of nudity as being in a state of innocence. Joni observed that, “And we got to get ourselves back to the garden.”
    Even if it takes drawers down at Cambie and Water street.


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