Sal and I are good. A bit tired, tho. It’s been a busy summer. Really busy. Things were added to the empire. Other things got repaired. Maintenance and chores. We got a lot done. Tons of guests, of course. Dinners. Happy hours. Social events. Community stuff. And, of course, a lot of quilting got quilted. All good.
But tiring. The sad part is that the fatigue (for me) is more than just physical. I am a bit tired mentally. Creative juices are down. Desire to travel extinct. Motivation lacking. ‘Dave is no fun!’ General optimism remains on the plus side but that’s due to our location and lifestyle (and living with Sal, the source of all sunshine) which is very uplifting and therapeutic. But psychologically and emotionally, we (mostly me) are running on empty.
The largest part of it is me. I am racking up the years. I caught up with my aging process this year and it was a shock to experience. When I was 70, I did not feel much different than when I was 60, maybe felt even younger. But, when I hit 71, I felt all of those years. It was aging accelerated. In one year I got old. You know the feelings….more aches, less energy, more naps…….
….but it is not just the age thing. Getting old is definitely part of the ‘feeling’ but it’s more than that. It’s also a slight feeling of creeping/looming despair. Like mould. Please do not read that last statement as black-dogs depression or real, solid, bleak despair. It’s not that. It’s more like a hint of despair, with a helpless sense of a larger destiny looming, a lot of confusion and a growing lack of control or influence to change the course of what seems like inevitable and horrific events. It feels a smidge like doom. DOOM!
“Really, Dave? You are THAT bummed out?”
No! As I said, “Please do not read that last statement as black-dog depression or real, solid, bleak despair.” It may eventually BECOME big-doom but it still just feels a little like small doom. Tiny doom. A small apocalypse, maybe. I am having a hard time seeing our way out of the what-seems-like global madness showing up in so many ways in so many places so much of the time. And I have absolutely no faith in or respect for any of ‘our leaders’.
Maybe Greta Thunberg……
….and I am disproportionately buoyed up by the electric car/bike/boat revolution. So, add Elon Musk to that short list.
Anyway…that is why I have not been writing. I try to write when I have something to say, but when you are confused and going primarily on ‘gut feelings’, you have little to say except, ‘Watch out for the doom!’
On a more prosaic note: we got all our wood in plus some. The second bathroom is up and operating. The wrongly installed doors were re-installed properly, the access bridges were rebuilt (in what turned out to be ‘just before’ they fell down!). New composter. Another renovated shed. A couple of engines re-done. Fabulous sea-food! Great friends! Whales. Life OTG has been a bit intense this year but we feel we progressed and we enjoyed it……that is a good feeling.
And I am pretty sure there will be a next year. Maybe NOT a next century but I am looking forward to each year as it comes. It would be nice to see fewer Trumps, Fords, Trudeaus and the usual assortment of slime trying to ‘take over the world’ and/or line their pockets while threatening nuclear war and ignoring the climate but let’s not get mired in that right now. I have a gut-feeling about all that……it will be a small apocalyptic ‘episode’…probably just showing up as a number of mass shootings at a theatre, shopping mall or MacDonalds near you……
…oh yeah…happy Thanksgiving :))