Sal and I collapse every night into bed.  Tís the season.  Guests can be exhausting.  They are worth it, tho.  Of course.  All our guests are worth it.  Love ém.  Wouldn’t have it any other way.  But they are also somewhat tiring.  They work us too hard!

Both of us are pretty active as a rule and we are almost always busy doing stuff even when we are alone.   Hell, just getting around the property is a mini-mountaineering task every day.  I can get tired just walking around.  And I am always carrying heavy things when I go up and down the stairs and the cliffsides.  It is the way of things.  So, being tired at the end of the day is normal and good.  No problem.

But when guests come, they – naturally –  want to ‘experience everything!‘ and that is usually at a quicker, more demanding pace of challenge and exertion than we would normally give to ourselves.  Even tho we are active, we are active at the pace of 60-year-olds.  Our guests are usually younger and want to double even that, their normal, more-youthful-already pace!  There is not-a-fair-peer-group–pressure-thing going on here.

I was on the verge of playing soccer with them yesterday!

Glad I didn’t, tho.  I can’t afford another bust-through-the-backstop incident (like last summer), the subject target of which acted as one of the goals.  It can happen. Getting going is not so hard.  Stopping…….?

Even being the quasi-English teachers to the Chinese students tends to be an effort at times. 

But not always.

Today Sal takes them to yoga and then kayaking.  At breakfast, Chong asked if we could also squeeze in ‘chopping wood’.  Chong’s English is poor and it took a while for him to get the question out.  But, when I understood what he was asking, I agreed to do it while the BBQ was on at the end of the day.  I was about to continue with some more information about finishing the table we had undertaken to build when Chong interrupted me, “I am sorry, David.  But I have another question…………”

“Sorry.  Go ahead…………”

He looked me earnestly in the eye and said slowly and clearly, “How many chucks can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”

OK…….maybe you had to be there…………..

There are only five students at our local school.  They will go to a half-time teacher next year as a result.  Such is life out here on the periphery of modern non-urban society.  Things shut down.  The young people go to the city.

But this year, they had a full schedule and that included a Sports Day.  And Sports Day was today.  “What kind of Sports Day can you have with only five students?”

Well, that is the beauty of the place.  When it came time to play soccer there were around twenty or more students on the field.  Three of them came from China.  Five or more were ‘older’ high school age kids who came to play with the younger kids and, of course, there were several young adults.  Plus some visiting kids.  And two dogs.

In addition, there were probably ten or so mature adults with smaller children looking on.  What’s a Sports Day without an audience? Sports Day 2012 was a rousing success!

On our way to the Sports Day/market/community-day Wednesday – practically everything happens on a Wednesday up here – I asked one of the kids to take the wheel of the boat.  OMYGAWD!  Driving a boat was like, awesome!  And, of course, the teacher also wanted in.  Ms Wong took a turn at the wheel after the kids.  And we zoomed around for a few minutes with kids and teacher shrieking with delight.

Funny, eh?  People in Hong Kong don’t usually ever drive anything.  Instead, they are driven (in every sense of the word).  Driving a boat is like being at the helm of Capt. Picard’s Enterprise for them.  And they went boldly.  And they shrieked.  We would have jumped to Warp speed if we had more than a Honda 50.

Last year Ms Wong was so impressed by Sally zooming about in boats and driving the car and taking charge, she decided to learn to drive a car.  In Hong Kong!  She bought a Toyota and has been taking lessons ever since.  Still too afraid to ‘merge’ with traffic, she is more than somewhat limited in her range.  How can you NOT merge in Hong Kong?  But her courage is increasing.  Soon, she expects to be able to leave her neighbourhood.  Maybe.  Took her a few months to leave the parking garage.

After today she was wondering if she should buy a boat!

You can’t make this stuff up!

We are half way though making our table.  It is a simple project but, of course, there is a language barrier and the natural chaos that ensues from four people working on one table.  It is kinda crazy.  But it is also fun and, even better, it is the reason the Chinese students are here.

No, NOT to learn table-making (I am in no position to teach any kind of real carpentry) but they are here to exercise gweilo-thinking and especially independent thinking.  Having to ‘work it out for yourself’ is very uncommon in Chinese society.  Usually there is a teacher and the teacher shows you the way.  It is a recipe.  Always a recipe.  It is very rigid.  All they have to do is learn by rote and they pass the test.  Memory?  Yes.  Understanding?  Not so much.  Table-making with Dave is a course of a different colour.

No one knows what the hell is going on!

“So, we are going to make a table.  What size table should it be?”

The question is met with three blank stares.  I repeat the question.  And we all wait while the wheels in their little heads try to come up to speed.  Size suggestions are hesitatingly offered up.  Each refused by the crazy-as-a-hoot-owl teacher.  Confusion reigns.  I smile.  They look perplexed.  Finally one kid says, “What are you going to use the table for?”

“YES!!  That is the right question……….well, let us think about use.  Let’s talk about use.  What kind of questions come up for that?”  And so it goes.

By the time we were half-way through making the table frame, I reached for the tape measure to mark a piece of wood.  I couldn’t find it.  Two of the kids had  already thought about it, referred to the sketch, found the wood and done it.

Yes, you read that right……….they had done it!  That means using the chop saw! With, of course, previous instruction and coaching.  They were very careful and very good when learning how to use it.  Their Chinese teacher, however, was having a heart attack.  I explained to her that a scar is the best way to remember an adventure.  She looked horrified.  But they went unscathed.  So far, anyway.  The table isn’t done yet.  Plenty of time for a little blood-letting still.

This ‘just do it’ attitude is very, very different from the way they usually behave.  Especially at school.  This time they anticipated!  This time they took the initiative!  “So, you think I am gonna need two pieces this long, eh?  What makes you think that?” And they explain pointing to the sketch.  And I say, “Right!”

“Now, did you measure correctly?  Can I cut the wood without checking it?  Are you sure?”

“Yes!  We are sure.  Cut the wood!”  And so I did.

And it was good.

At this particular juncture, they all feel as if they are well on their way to becoming accomplished carpenters……..if only the tools weren’t so heavy! 

Some female Chinese students are so slight that, try as they might, they cannot hold the drill level.  Screwing in a screw is virtually impossible.  They just don’t have the ‘heft’ that such tasks require.  Having said that, they keep trying even if it is nigh on impossible.  It is both admirable and pathetic at the same time…….sadly, sometimes size matters!

I have a prediction: when China develops their own domestic markets further, they will develop a line of tools that are half-size.

OK.  Nostradamus, I am not!  But I am fast becoming a renown teacher of Chaos theory.

Oh, man!  So much to catch up on.  Been down a week and a half. May even still be down!  Don’t know.  Half the site reports ‘clean’ and other half still verboten.  Reader wrote to report that ‘all is good on the west coast front!’.  We’ll see.

Firstly – the Chinese have invaded!  Every year we receive a group or two of Chinese students from my friend, Dennis.  He is their ‘sponsor’ and the ‘cheese’ of the school he supports in Hong Kong.  The place where my daughter and her fiancé are now teaching.  Where Sal and I have taught in years past.  Last year, Ms Wong came with the students and she liked it so much that she chose to come again.  Ms Wong likes kayaking and chopping wood. I am sure that she likes listening to music and taking long quiet walks on the beach, too.  But it is the chopping of wood that she can’t resist.  She’s a machine!

This year we have Serena, Helen, Chung and Ms Wong.  All three students are from mainland China.  They all grew up in several small villages and they learned to speak in their local dialect.  When they went to primary school, they had to learn Cantonese (as different from their mother dialect as southern Appalachian is from English-as-it-is-spoke on Haida Gwaii).  And, when they went to middle school, they had to learn English and Putinawah (or Mandarin which is not similar at all to Cantonese).  By the time these kids are reading Dick and Jane and Spot and Puff, they have had four separate languages to master.

Admittedly, they are masters of only one (and I have no idea which one it might be) and are unfettered manglers of English.  We are often challenged to ‘get’ what they mean.  Last night at dinner, Helen remarked that she loved all the smiles.  We all did.  So we dutifully smiled at her.  And so she did so to us, too.  But, after a pause, it seemed to her that we didn’t get it so she told us again that she loved the smiles.  And, feeling admired and praised for our beauty, Sally and I smiled some more.  And Helen politely smiled again in return.  And we looked at each other (as if the other was mad!).  Finally, Helen sniffed the air and said, “I love the smiles!”

“You mean SMELLS!” said Ms Wong.  And so we all laughed.

I am also teaching them to do some carpentry.  We are building a simple outdoor table.  But, of course, even a simple table requires thought, planning, measuring and imagining the product in your head so that you can first virtually build it without cutting the wood.  As we go through each step, they are impressed with the complexity.  “Oh this is so much mess!”

“Excuse me?!”

“So much mess!”

While it is true that I tend to work in a disorganized manner and mess is an inevitable outcome for me, at the time I was thinking that everything was quite orderly.  In fact, I was pretending hard to be organized so that they might learn good work habits.  So, I pursued it.  Seems Helen had no idea that so much MATH was involved in carpentry and so she was remarking on all the mess…..er…..math.

And, so it goes as we get to know each other.  It is kinda fun.

But the best part of yesterday was the whales.  Yep!  A large pod (12+) came up and cavorted about our front yard for over half an hour.  Tails flapping, body rolls, snorts, half-leaps (Orcas are pretty big.  They leap high as often as I do) and a lot of, well, cavorting.  Whale gamboling.  Playing around.  It was great and the kids were thrilled.  Later in the day, the whales came back for a brief encore (politely introduced by Fiddich who heard them coming and ran to tell us – otherwise they might have gotten away while we were all inside making dinner).  Whales are impressive but dogs trained to be whale-lookouts is no small sight for them either!

Yeah, east meets west and the fun is just beginning…………..

Dolphins go by all the time.  I don’t always write about it.  They are like a pack of kids in the neigbourhood, they are noticed but just at a glance as a rule.  Mind you, when the ‘pack o’ kids’ numbers in the hundreds, well, you notice and you watch.  Could be a Marine Occupy Movement forming or something.

Sorta like when the Orcas herded a couple of dozen into our bay last week for a mid-day luncheon.  Now THAT was worth watching.

Truth is: dolphins, as a rule, are not much to look at.  They are pretty in a sea-full-of-life kinda way but, face it, the visual presentation is much like seeing rolling bowling balls half submerged rolling along.  Neat but not spectacular.  Bigger numbers help make the sighting more interesting but the overall feeling now is, well mostly, seen one dolphin, seen ém all. 

Not yesterday.  Yesterday was different.  I watched a few dozen dolphins coming up channel and was just about to turn away when one of the little torpedoes launched!  And I mean – up!  Way up!  This little bloke flew completely out of the water by several feet and then ‘whomped‘ belly-flop-first.  Made a huge slapping noise.  This behaviour seemed to prompt others and after a bit, there were several dolphins in the air at a time all ‘a-whomping‘ their way up channel.   I got sight and sound from the pack o’kids this time.  That was neat.

Neat, but not enough, I am afraid.  I feel the cold hands of death reaching out……

My blog is still being hijacked by the Google Warning team and it seems there is not much I can do about it.  Seems some ruskie hackers planted a bad seed somewhere and Google’s ‘police’ have it surrounded and guns are drawn.  But the seed won’t come willingly.  Even the private security force, the ‘twat’ team, can’t seem to budge ’em.  I am held hostage and my chances are slim.  I can feel the sniper rifle on the back of my neck as I write. 

No joy from my friends.  Humpty Techie and all the Geeksmen can’t seem to put my site back together again.  All indications so far indicate that the operation was a failure and that the patient is only alive by artificial means.  Worse, Google has it in quarantine.  They have Guantanamoed my butt!  I may have to pull the plug on this.

Would it be the end of the story?  Well, not really.  I have a lot of stuff already written that needs fleshing out before being put into book form.  So, the writing will have to continue and so will the editing.  But that work will not be ‘upfront’ like it has been for the last two years.  It will have to be done in the background, as it were.  Real life rather than virtual life.

And, of course, there will be the rest of the books in the series – if the first issue is well received (more than ten).  And those stories have to come from somewhere and so I may just have to start another blog somewhere.  Sometime.  But not for awhile.  One needs to grieve.  So, we’ll see.

“Dave!  Is this goodbye?”

No.  Not yet.  I am still raging against the night.  But it is day to day.

Malware warnings still reign supreme on the site.  Sorry.  Can’t seem to fix it.  This may be God’s way of telling me I am boring and should take up a new line of work but it feels more like vandals.  Team of techies on it.  No joy yet.  End of week one.

Is it me or have techies lost all sense of time?  I mean, here I am on island time and, honestly, I now have the patience of Job. Well, more to the point: the energy of a sloth so I am more than willing to rest a lot.  I am not so much on island time as I am on sloth time, I guess.  Still, even for sloths, it seems as if techies get lost in time and space.  Like Godot.  They live in some kind of virtual time.  I dunno………..maybe it is hard work with heavy lifting but zeros and ones don’t weigh much.

On a brighter note; my boat is up on the hard and phase one of the ‘rebuilding of it’ is about to begin.  I suppose phase one has already been completed.  Buy replacement boat.  Pay money to people.  Work on replacement boat.  Pay more.  Work more and then ‘settle up’ accounts some more.  Then disassemble old boat by removing all equipment and other accouterments until I am down to the bare hull.  Then tow that hollow shell up to the public wharf.  Employ winch and crane to lift subject boat (Freelance) to new heights seldom attained by such small craft and plunk said vessel on friends flatbed truck.  Then up the hill on the truck to the back of the Q-hut.  Then three of us tugged, pulled, jacked and come-alonged the puppy on to the ground and ‘voila’- boat on hard!

So we had a phase or two already (let’s call the pre-phases A, B, C and maybe D)  but the real phase one is cleaning and that has to be done soon and, it seems, without water.  Because we don’t have water to the Q-hut yet.  So maybe phase D or E will be to ‘plumb’ the Q-hut.

Interesting, don’t you think?  No such thing as a simple chore.  Not in the least.  Ten steps before you start, then a two-one-two dance step going back and forth as you do the job and finally ten steps to finish up.  Then cleanup!  Sheesh.  We need servants!

No sense in writing much.  Not really.  Gotta get the Malware warnings to end……….hmmmmm………is that two steps forward now?  Or one step back?

It’s like a spy novel out there in the ether.  Intrigue, passwords, skulduggery.  This Siberworld is some kind of den of iniquity in the classic sense.  Bad guys doing bad things.  It is surprising.  I had no idea that the web went evil so fast, so far, so deep.  It is like Marine Dealerships Mark 2.0 – the virtual sea .

Because of my recent home-invasion of the virtual kind, I have been looking deeper into this than ever before.  To get to my site host, I had to phone a 1-800 number (so I looked that up before doing it).  Nice site.  Looked bona fide.  They gave me the choice of a live-chat and I took that instead of calling.  “Good evening, I am Badabudingsinghaddoooo andhowcanIhelpyoutoday?  What is your account ID?”

“I dunno.   Could it be Dave123?  Am I Dave123 or am I coastal hermit?  I can never remember when I go coastal. Unh, by the way….you said good evening and then asked about helping me today…………..what time is it there?  And where is there?”

“I am sorry, sir.  No time to chat.  Calls waiting.  I need your weird, secret account number..well only the last four digits…….or, I suppose, I can use your last four digits of your credit card…….do you have that?”

“Yeah, just a sec………..”  I mention to Sal that some guy with a 1-800 number and a heavy accent wants the last four digits of my credit card number and she goes hysterical…..“Oh my God!  Don’t be a fool!  They’ll rob us blind!  We’ll have our identities stolen!  Don’t do it!  Don’t do it!”

And then she just screams and runs for the closet, “Why me?!  Why me?”

“Sal, relax.  Four digits isn’t enough for anything.  Nanu doesn’t even know what card I have.  He’s just looking for a unique number for identification is all.”

“Do you know that for sure?  Do you know how these crooks work?  Do you?  Well, DO YOU, PUNK!?”

“Sheesh.  Good Dirty Harry impression.  Now just put the gun down, sweetie.  We can work this out……and, unh………….I called him.  He didn’t call me.”

She cocked the hammer back and her eyes narrowed.  The colour from her normally rosy cheeks chameleoned to grey-green.  Shadows formed on her face.  Trigger finger looked tight.  “OK, OK!  Whatever.  No numbers.  I swear.  Maybe just one.  I’ll see if ‘8’ works.  Howzat?”  She relaxed her finger but not her eyes.  Colouring remained shades of Bogart.

I return to the phone.

“Unh, I appreciate your help Nehru, or was that Sidhu?  Anyway, my wife won’t let me talk to you anymore.  She’s freaked.  Women, eh?  So, will one of the numbers do?  I’ll give you an 8.  How about an 8 and my mother’s maiden name?  And don’t you always want my postal code?  I’ll give that up, too, no problem.  I mean, c’mon…………..who else but the real me would know 8 and the postal code and my mother’s family name?  That do it for you, Badu?”

“Sorry, sir.  Company policy.  Can’t help you………………………………………but, umh……………I have this cousin, right?  And, like he’s got twenty million dollars in a suitcase that we need deposited in a first world country…….you seem like a nice guy…………don’t tell your wife, eh?  She’ll just worry………………now if you just send me………”  

I got some warnings from you guys.  Thanks.

Did you see this warning when you logged on?

I am pretty sure it is a hoax.  I checked my page on Google diagnostics and they said it was clean.  See:  Safe Browsing diagnostic page.  But I am still jumping through some more hoops to make sure.  I hope to be 100% sure within a day or so.

Sorry.

Seems some ‘Ruskies’ decided to infect my website with bad-stuff-ware.  Probably because I wrote about Siberkrime (misspelling on purpose to ‘trick’ their search and destroy algorithems).

Wow.  Doesn’t take much to get the forces of eeeevil against you, does it?  I wonder if they know this blog is harmless?  Probably don’t care.  ‘Sic ém!’ is likely their intent and a softwear robot has been sent out to do the dirty.  You know, like politicians sending out the cops.  “Send out the guys who don’t think!”

‘Cept this time it is a program that tries to arrest you…………….brave new world…..

I figure if ‘warning’ pop-ups are being sent out, that may be a reason for less hits.  So, I am presently doing what I can to rid myself of this rash.  Sorry.  I guess that is another topic that is too dangerous to touch.

Between Harper and Ruskie bad boys, methinks freedom of speech is in dire straits.  Be careful out there.  Even the good guys are bad.

I bought a small 5-ton splitter.  Works great.  This is my first real concession to ‘getting on’ (not counting regular meds).  The funicular was supposed to be the first but, if any one ever asks, “Which came first?  The funicular or the splitter?”  Now you know…the chicken got old first, the splitter came second and the funicular has still yet to be completed.

“Why did the old chicken cross the road?” He didn’t.  We have no roads up here!

(yes, I know chickens aren’t ‘he’.  It is just a story-telling device)

We usually find and haul logs under a foot in diameter, 14 inches tops, and this little one-toothed wonder splits them easier than a mother does a pie.  I assembled it and fired it up and it worked!  Needs mods, of course….like longer legs, a one-handed turn-on (instead of having to use two.  They did this for safety reasons but not having a hand free to guide the wood is unsafe…I really hate these ‘safety features’ that make the work impossible but you try anyway and hurt yourself in the process because of the safety feature!) and a ‘spacer’ so that I don’t have to wait so long for the ram to get to the log but, those are easy.  This is gonna work!!

I love it when a mechanical purchase from China actually works!  Even if it does instill a bit more guilt.  You’d think I wouldn’t have any room for even more guilt but I do!  I really should have no guilt since no one in Canada or the US makes these little splitters (they make lots of big ones, tho), but I have pretty much tried to avoid Chinese ‘mechanicals’ because they are bad for the planet, bad for our economy and they just don’t work (as a rule).  And, if they do, they don’t last.  Too bad, really, as I have a Chinese-oriented budget.

Ravens have fledged!  Yesterday Jack and Liz introduced us to a couple of ‘sweet young things’ and they had them on the deck perch teaching them to squawk at us for food.  The young úns picked up on the technique pretty quick.  Had Sal cutting up a new block of cheese for them……….(we didn’t have any off-cuts piled up at the time).  Sal is such a patsy, sometimes.  Ravens have her wrapped around their beak.  I am just glad she didn’t thaw out and cut up a steak!

Prawn season is over today.  The factory ships clear out.  Poor market this year.  Average haul, low prices.  Buyers offering under $7.00 a pound.  Couple of years ago, the rate was $8.00 a pound.  That’s over a 12% drop in revenue with fuel and everything else on the expense side going up.  Where the Department of Fisheries and Oceans has failed us, the market may just save what remaining prawns are left.  Typically one good boat will haul out between 15 and 30 thousand pounds of prawns in their 2-month season.  And there are boats everywhere.  And we wonder why our oceans are suffering.

Which reminds me – I have a business deal to offer (details to be worked out) – a guy has a boat.  Great boat.  Huge.  Worth: about $2M.  He’s gonna sell shares in it.  It will ‘work’ when the season is on (he has several quotas so he’ll have several seasons) and it will ‘charter’ now and then.  It will also take out the shareholders on these working junkets.  So, an investor can get a return, get a working holiday and, at times anyway, get free fishing junkets whenever possible.  The guy is honest.  The boat is phenomenal and the opportunity real.

Perfect investor would be a couple in their 40’s or fifties, active, healthy and who love the sea.  Share price?  No idea.  Depends on the response.  But I can’t see it going for less than $200K.  So, it is a big dog’s opportunity (unless you see it as your summer cabin?).

“What’s in it for you, Dave?”   Nothing.  I just like the idea and I like the guy.

I may go on a hiatus of sorts.  From writing the blog.  Numbers are dropping a smidge so readers are sending a message……..“ho hum, yawn”.  I am gonna have to give it a rest, I think.  Come at it from another angle, maybe.  Take up knitting instead.  I dunno…….

I’ve written close to 600 entries so far.  Sal is compiling them into categories.  ‘Course the largest category is ‘Nonsense, gibberish and political rants’.  So, I may have only 400 or so relevant ones from which to really compile a book about living off the grid.  We’ll see.  Not enough for a compelling story but I am hoping for a comic book or a long magazine article at the very least.  Like an Archie’s Digest, maybe.  We’ll see.

I may carry on typing.  I need the exercise.  But I am definitely going to change something.  I think I have to.  I’ll let you know.

But, before I go……..(and remember, the boat, the Q-hut, the funicular and summer guests will still be written about.  Oh, bloody Hell!  OK.  I will still do the ravens and the whales, too.)……..

I just wanted to add that the masses are warming up……seems the people may not be just the walking dead, after all.  Bill 38 (Omnibus bill) will ‘gut’ our Democratic processes and push us even closer to a totalitarian state.  And there are a lot voices trying to be heard on that.  And the provincial Liberals just ‘sneaked’ a bill in during the last 30 minutes of this session so as to make a Provincial Park available for another private run-of-river project.  They’ll get away with that one, I am afraid.

But the student movement in Quebec (not a sympathetic movement at the beginning) prompted yet another fascist-like response from Big Brother and, in the aftermath, the people have rallied in Quebec over the erosion of their rights and freedoms.

I guess what I am saying is this: I could write more on politics but it’s a mugs game.  It all goes into the Nonsense and Gibberish file, anyway.  But, right now, that is where my head is at.  Mostly.  So the only thing that makes sense to me right now is reduce output.

If you are in a hole, the first thing you do is stop digging!